i don't know why but i just feel totally not motivated this sem. WHY?!

i just cant seem to sit still and do what i planned to do. making me so irritated. ROARS. need to find back my motivation......MORE COFFEE PLEASE. i have sooo many things on my 'to-do list' now and i don't know why i find myself so laid back =x tsk.

anyway, therapy sessions over the past 3 days were goood =D i totally melted when momo went 'teacher teacher, i want bao bao' omg. im more than willing to bao him. HAHA! and when i carried him, he would go 'teacher i wan turn' (asking me to turn in circles, and he would giggle and laugh). recently he has new stunts. he would ask me to tickle his elbow. apparently that amuses him and amuses me totally. HAHA! and sometimes he would smile so happily his face would come so near to mine, we would play the 'nose touch nose' game. HAHA! as in, momo's nose would touch my nose and vice versa. damn cute. AND I TAUGHT MOMO THE HOKEY POKEY DANCE =DDD heh. but therapy kind of hit an obstacle cox we really don't know how we could teach him to differentiate between soft and hard. he seems all confused and he just anyhow wack an ans each time i asked him. and yes, after 40 trials today, 30 trials yesterday and xx trials the day before, he finally could label the colour GREY! *claps sometimes i looked back and recalled how it was like during my very first therapy session. felt totally different. the past 7 mths haven gone to waste when i see how much momo have improved and how a stronger bond is formed between me and momo now =D

ppl wonder why is there a need to put children with autism in therapy. arent we forcing them to do things they would otherwise not like to do? shouldnt we leave them all alone. perhaps they like it that way? i really don't know how i would ans this because i've seen how much therapy can improve a child with autism and i don't see in what way momo is unhappy because we intruded his world.

ycamp is over!

i must say that ycamp was awesome, with awesome working partner, with awesome volunteers and awesome beneficiaries =DD so that made my experience in ycamp a GOOD one =)

it interests me to see how people coming from different backgrounds, people with different personalities, people with different working styles, people with different thoughts n ideals all come together to contribute their part for ycamp. its pretty encouraging to see the effort put in by everyone, that the beneficiaries are still loved no matter who they are =)))

i totally melted when i saw volunteers handling their beneficiaries. from being stunned and feeling at lost at day 1, to being enthusiastic and all hyped-up on day 2, to sharing their joy and experiences on day 3. all their effort count. every single bit of it. especially when i saw 3 guys in my group handling one kid. they were totally awesome and i just couldnt help but smile when i saw them all putting aside their manliness and did whatever they could just to interact and play with their beneficiary, bathed and cleaned and fed their beneficiary. i feel happy for them because their genuine act of wanting to help their beneficiary is remarkable, and for the fact that they had 0 experience handling children with special needs, they were awesome =)

im sure everyone in ycamp came for a purpose. definitely, conflicts and problems arise during camp but ultimately, i feel that so long as we have met our purpose/objective then all else is secondary.

and i definitely came home feeling 'value-added'. the camp totally made me realise how autism is truely hetereogenous. it is easy for us to reason but to reason with children with autism is not easy at all. we say children with autism has a deficit in theory of mind, the lack of ability to take someone else's perspective. but so? how are we going to make them understand that others have a mind of their own? why school textbook didnt teach me how to deal with that??! though at the end of the day, the problem was resolved but it was after much experimenting and testing what work and what didnt. but yea, i guess thats what learning is all about. and one of the beneficiaries totally made me laugh whenever i talked to him. a pity the rockwall was cancelled due to rain =( my beneficiary was totallly looking forward to it since day 1 =( but its alright! weather is unpredictable.

and one thing! i totally don't like it when people say the kid is autistic, the kid is intellectually disabled. no, they are not!!!!! they are children with autism, children with intellectual disability. the condition is a part of them, not the whole of them. so people, lets not label the children! not good!

anyway, ycamp ended on a happy note! so i shall wrap up my feelings and move onnnn!

yay! my dajie just came home from london after 1.5mths! and she came home with LOTS OF SHORTBREAD =DDD


and she bought me a belated birthday present...heh shortbread again =)

and its damn cute cos you can wind the thing and it plays the happy birthday song =D

shortbread AGAIN! expensive shortbread that cost 10 pounds...

now my house is like a minimart full of shortbread, cookies and whatnot. haha!

i don't exactly know what i want to blog about. but i just want to blog.

i guess im pretty much overwhelmed by the heavy workload.not just sch work, but my tons of other committment out of sch. to the extent that i feel as if studying is not my priority anymore. which shouldnt be the case. i need to maintain my CAP! if not im just wasting my effort for the past 3 years pulling it up. so, press on!

anyway, went down to st andrew hospital in the evening and i was briefed about the experiment. i cant believe im acting as a stranger/experimenter for the Ainsworth Strange Situation. Its like, ainsworth strange situation is only something that we read about in books and now, i find myself being part of the experiment! ACTUALLY, ainsworth strange situation is not even within my scope and they just conveniently roped me into the experiment. but oh well, i guess its good exposure so i willingly agreed to help them out on top of running experiments for the 6mths infants. SO THAT MEANS GOODBYE TO MY SUNDAYs FROM NOW ONWARDS!

張芸京-相反的我
我看着镜子后面皱著眉的我
很孤单她有话想说
像天空不会永远都是蓝色的
有阴天你才会抬头
走穿多少的巷弄
笑了哭了
有三四个人爱我

Chorus:
我想要一个乱了
数字的时钟
我想做一个完全相反的我
我在这个世界拼命些什么
累死我
我有双不听任何命令的耳朵
去享受快乐加上自由的我
我要变成一颗透明的石头
我不会动
也不会痛

像轮胎用了太久 没气了 所以
原谅我 想消失几周
每个人都在选好的轨道奔走
讲真的我想要呼救
请看爱情的脸孔
美的丑的
几千万人都被愚弄了

Repeat Chorus
这个我 那个我
不一样的我
等什么 想什么
怕什么

ahahha! my song to listen to when im overwhemled with work. sometimes i really don't know why am i doing so many things at one time. but again, i realised that when i grow older, there are really alot of things out there that i want to try out. its really just a matter of taking that one step and you will realise how much you will gain in return. just like how i nva imagine myself being a therapist for a kid with autism. i reallly really learnt alot from it and i think this kind of experience is smth you wouldnt get in school and i totally didnt regret doing this. running experiments in lab is also another area we don't get out of textbooks. reading abt experiments and actually carrying em out are pretty much different. planning and running camps for typical and atypical children is also a good exposure for me especially when im studying psychology. i kind of like the feeling of knowing that i learnt something everytime i do a thing. is like i feel 'value added'. of course, at the end of the day, i get all stressed up and everything because i need to juggle this and that, but i think, its worthwhile. at least thats what i think as of now.

hokay, blog again later. back to my assignment.