i cried during sociology lecture yesterday just because the prof and the video he showed mentioned the taboo word. Somehow or rather, I have yet to get over it despite knowing that i have to. but i just cant.

i have been suppressing it for long. once in awhille it surfaced in my mind but i pushed it back into my unconscious. until one day, i broke down when we were at esplanade rooftop. i cried so hard then and u gave me a hug. that hug was reassuring because that was exactly what i needed. i needed to know that i was not left all alone to fend this. i know i have my sisters with me, but i do not want them to worry for me. you told me back then that whatever he did not do, you will compensate for it and words that you said touched me. you got a shock when you heard what i said but that did not scare u away. u simply accepted it and that makes you different from anyone else.

although once in awhile, environmental cues trigger certain memories of mine...but i'll rmb the monk story you told me. let it go.