don't feel good today. felt i could have handled my girl a whole lot better =(

STORY TIME.
the teacher took out a board and a box full of alphabets in class. the children were asked to spell by arranging those alphabets and sticking them on the board. my girl protested upon seeing the board and box of alphabets that she started throwing tantrum even though it was not her turn to do the spelling. she screamed and cried and started messing with the board and alphabets, standing up and moving around. token reinforcement worked in getting her sitting nicely on the floor but that didnt sustain long enough because she started her next cycle of tantrum. tried bringing her out for a walk but she threw yet another cycle of tantrum =/ she threw the slippers on the floor, cried even LOUDER and ran off =/ helpless me tried holding on to her to get her quiet but it didnt work. she cried and screamed so loudly until the director came out and asked me what happened. =/ so, the director led her into the office and told me to ignore her crying and tantrums. just ensure her safety but not giving her any attention at the same time. and finally, she decided to calm down and stayed quiet after some time.

the next cycle of tantrum came again during maths lesson when she was expected to sit on chair to do her maths question. faced with her tantrums again, i tried token reinforcement on her and thank goodness it worked. the only time i felt in control.

and next, she fell alsp during chinese class =/ TOOK ME A WHOLE LOT OF EFFORT TO GET HER EYES OPEN. wiping her face with cold towel, making her jump etc all didnt work actually.

the accumulation of everything made today a pretty challenging day. i felt damn lousy after work because i just felt i could have handled her better. i admit i got pretty helpless and exasperated with her at times because i really find it hard to understand her on top of all her tantrums =( its very different from doing therapy. therapy is 1 on 1 and there is a clear boundary and expectation from the therapist and the child. but for a girl who has not been through any therapy, its hard to instill that sort of boundary and expectation during class time. i mean, im not saying its impossible but to drill her during classtime is difficult and its beyond the job scope of a shadow teacher anyway. sigh.

4hrs of dealing with tantrums n behavioural issues
= LOTS OF PATIENCE AND DETERMINATION

i swear by the end of my internship, i'll be so patient no one will ever provoke me man.

sometimes i wonder would my girl be better off if she is placed in therapy or special need school instead? im quite sure she is not learning optimally in the mainstream because those things taught in class are way above her capability despite being matched on mental age. and classroom setting is hard for her to learn because the teacher's attention is divided among other children and she will just be sitting there vocalising/exhibiting stimulating behaviour. is that even helpful at all? and its pointless for me to keep redirecting her attention to the teacher when obviously she is not absorbing. i don't really know how to voice this to the mother. im sure she has reasons for placing her child in mainstream. perhaps to learn socially appropriate behaviour, or prep her for normal classroom setting etc. but oh well. im just a new shadow teacher, i shall just observe for a longer period and see how things go.

alright, put that aside. tml will be a better day i hope. i'll just learn along the way and i need to learn faster!

AND MY MUMMY SAYS I LOST WEIGHT! hahahha! IF ONLY MAN. i still weigh the same =( i guess she hasnt been seeing me most of the days thats y. hahaha!

still in the process of researching for my honours thesis. i think my hypothesis for now sounds abit duh =/

ok, i shall stop blogging. time to go work again! i hope 'meet the ppl session' ends early tonight!