hotel stay at st regis with family =DD damn awesome hotel with excellent service. im someone who cant stand poor service so st regis was way good. we even had a butler whom we can call when we need anything like tea etc.

the awesomely big toilet...

can watch tv when u soak in the bathtub...

my sisters =)

all the alcohol..hahah! and and and! saw this 2 metal tin at the side of the drawer? i did a damn retarded thing.

me: (saw this metal tin that reads "intimate kit" )wah, they have such nice tin for sewing kit eh?

er jie: oh, whats that? (pointing to the "intimate kit')

me: sewing kit

da jie: WHAT SEWING KIT?! ITS CONDOM LA!

me: *turned the tin to the back and read the content - '3 x-brand condom, 2 x-brand lubricant'

HAHA. omg. literally rolled on the floor and laughed. condom says condom la...what intimate kit =/ intimate kit reminds me of lingerie. you know, like you need to sew back ur lingerie or smth. =/

damn cute! they have a pillow menu to choose from! =)

my parents' hotel room

and their toilet nicer than ours! hahaha! the tub is in the middle of the toilet and the black screen is the tv.



dined at angus house =) and we had this room to ourselves because they didnt have enough seats for us! haha! as if we were some VIP or smth. but yea, for the same price we get to enjoy some privacy.

appetiser!


my salmon roe and abalone spag

dessert!

no photos for the soup and salad!

and we had wine before bed!

nice way to spend the weekends, sitting on sofa and sipping tea =))) sauna, hydromassage, steam bath were awesome. love.

had therapy session after i reached hm. the boy was down with fever due to side effect of medication and i felt damn heartache to see him all so tired and groggy and still having to sit through the session with me =/ i acceded to his request for bed and he just lied on bed with his teary eyes, wanting to slp and there i was trying to get him to work after a couple of minutes. all i wanted to do was to hug the boy and tell him he will be ok soon. poor thing =(

baked cookies!

my cookies in the ovennn..

but i think i haven been baking cookies for long. it tasted a little substandard. haha! ok nvm. still edible. =)

updates updates!

my 2 weeks of break from internship is goooood =D although technically speaking, i only work 4hrs a day for my internship but still, NO WORK = HAPPY =D yes.

and I DYED MY HAIR ON MY OWN =) haha! ok la, not exactly on my own. more of me mixing the solution and reading the instruction to my mum and my mum helped me do the rest. hahah! so i got nice chestnut brown hair now =) or simply put, ka zhua brown. HAHA! and apparently ONLY VALERIE COULD TELL THE COLOUR DIFF. omg. guys are bad at it. i met ben and guanning and they went 'u mean u dyed?!' ITS PRETTY OBVIOUS ISNT IT?! ok, maybe the colour hasnt shown back then.

and i was surprised to receive postcard sent by guan ning while he was in cambodia doing volunteer work. hahahha! apparently the postcard reached me on the same day he returned to singapore. hahahha! postcard n guanning were on the same flight =/ but yea, it was sweet of him to send postcards to us =)

met val ydae for TEA, ok COFFEE for me =) sat down, chillax and talked =D this is called QUALITY TIME. everytime i rationalise things out, i seem to get a clearer picture. For now, the answer seems clear. i don't know abt tml. shrugged. leave that aside. met up with guan ning for dinner and off to ymca for meeting =) actually i cant wait for the camp to start =) i bet it will be awesome.

ben10 sends me a emo nemo songg!

最熟悉的陌生人 - 萧亚轩

还记得吗 窗外那被月光染亮的海洋
你还记得吗 是爱让彼此把夜点亮
为何后来我们 用沉默替代依赖
曾经朗朗星空 渐渐阴霾

心碎离开 转身回到最初荒凉里等待
为了寂寞 是否找个人填心中空白
我们变成了世上 最熟悉的陌生人
今后各自曲折 各自悲哀

只怪我们爱得那么汹涌 爱得那么深
于是梦醒了 搁浅了 沉默了挥手了 却回不了神
如果当初在交会时能忍住了 激动的灵魂
也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里 沉沦

我们变成了世上最熟悉的陌生人
今后各自曲折 各自悲哀

no matter how much i have gotten over past relationships, a part of me still holds on to some memories and i think the most hurtful thing is to realise that someone whom you have been close to turn stranger the next day. whether it was a logical mutual decision or a one-sided decision, it hurts. it makes me feel afraid to carry on another relationship, to carry on something that perhaps has no future. cause dao tou lai, im just hurting myself again, no?

was talking to val and we were saying we all hate certain parts of ourselves. totally agree. sometimes i find myself looking fat and i hate it, sometimes i think im ugly. i guess we have moments when we suffer from some kind of low self esteem. the worst came when the december incident made me lost myself. it was as if i was fending on my own because i know no one can help me out of it if i don't help myself. i will still cry if the incident surfaced in my mind but so what? i need to learn to deal with it and i have no one to blame. blame who? confide in who? i became pretty paranoid after that but no, i won't let it affect me. rationalisation, denial and repression seem to be my defense mechanism for long time.

BEN10! ur fault la, make me listen to the song then i emo! no cookies for u!

NO WORK TODAY!!! =DDDD felt so good that i didnt have to go to work today that i stayed up till 3am the night before talking to friends online =)

and finally i had the time to make waffles for breakfast! =)


my breakfast! looks gd?

and i was clearing my drawer in the afternoon and i dug out my box of st john stuff =)


st john made up the bulk of my secondary sch days man....

and guess what? i found neoprint i took with valerie years back!

VALERIE! i hope u dun mind me posting this on my blog! hahha! it has been 8 YEARS!

its 12am and im still here working =/ ever since the new MP took over...'meet the ppl session' has never ended early =x i shld convince my dad to let me drive to work so i wun have to cab home late at night!

meeting dr so this fri and i have yet to brainstorm my research question. panic button on-ed =x




its this lack of security that makes me feel damn !@#!#$@#$, why am i so bothered by it?! roars!

met up with mr huang my pri sch friend to fulfil our otherwise unfulfiled wish of going out for ice cream. HAHA! this is damn funny. our talk abt going out for ice cream has dragged for 2 yrs! awesome =/ it was nice sitting at vivo skypark eating our ben and jerry ice cream and catching up with one another. our emo nemo talk. and we got to see pretty fireworks at where we were sitting =) cool. and we had nth better to do we walked to keppel bay. it's a pretty place that i've always wanted to go! =) imagine owning a yatch man. ahhh...

and my er jie was funny. we were talking that day when she randomly went...

erjie: oh! i read ur blog!
me: wah, u will read one ah..
erjie: ya...cox i haven heard from u for long..
me: HAHAHAHHA! =x

and yes, that day i overheard a convo during my work between 2 kids
kid A: hey! this is my dad! he is 43 years old!
kid B: oh! my dad is 42 years old! MY DAD IS CATCHING UP SOON!

got the joke?

HHAHAHA! don't u think they are damn cute? i was laughing when the kid went 'my dad is catching up soon' because his dad will nva catch up with kid A's dad =)

mok was damn random to call me in midnight 12.20am!!!!! just to ask me which clothes to buy from f21! AHHHH! she woke me up from slp just to ask that!!

ITS SISTER'S OUTING! =D

watched kung fu panda 2 with my er jie because we have 2 free tickets from my da jie! =))) YOU KNOW WHAT? I LAST WATCHED A MOVIE LIKE LAST SEPT?! omg. 8mths of not stepping into a cinema =/ no life. im not exactly a 'cartoon' movie person but i think i haven been catching a movie for long, so it was pretty entertaining for me. HAHA!

andd...i was on a bus when this bus driver turned and winked at me! twice somemore. initially i thought he wanted to say i didnt tap my ezlink card (which i did) or smth, but when he suddenly smiled and winked at me, i stunned. i bet he got bored driving the bus.

i got back my results! =) CAP 4.75 this sem (after i s/u one module) ! =)) my hardwork paid off =) GOOD JOB!

anw, it was a long long day for me today. ended work at 3pm, flew to sch for research till 6pm and went for meeting at ymca at 7pm! ended at 10plus 11 and had my 'lunch+dinner+supper' at 12am!

volunteer work with special needs children =) and i so happpen to bump into my st john squadmate!!! OMG! so coincidental. and i felt much more comfortable with the outing today because i start to see familiar faces around, those that i saw from previous outing =) and i could better interact with the kids too =)


my st john mate on the left! =))

met guan ning after my volunteer work and WALKED to bugis to meet the rest for dinnnerrrr!


tgyc dinner! =D its nice to see that newly formed friendship holds through even after the camp ended like half yr ago =) cheers!

she who cant be named says:
http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=sale&product%5Fid=2000007390&Page=1

me says:
what with that?

she who cant be named says:
i duno
see like ur style so v excited
then paste for u le
hahaha

me says:
omg.

she who cant be named says:
still too conservative for u i think

me says:
YAR!

the above convo made me laugh man. omg. fairies always say my style of dressing is classified as 'skimpy' = tube top, tube dress, short skirt, paired with my 'ling ling long longs' (aka bangles)

walao. I BEG TO DIFFER. not all the time ok.

don't feel good today. felt i could have handled my girl a whole lot better =(

STORY TIME.
the teacher took out a board and a box full of alphabets in class. the children were asked to spell by arranging those alphabets and sticking them on the board. my girl protested upon seeing the board and box of alphabets that she started throwing tantrum even though it was not her turn to do the spelling. she screamed and cried and started messing with the board and alphabets, standing up and moving around. token reinforcement worked in getting her sitting nicely on the floor but that didnt sustain long enough because she started her next cycle of tantrum. tried bringing her out for a walk but she threw yet another cycle of tantrum =/ she threw the slippers on the floor, cried even LOUDER and ran off =/ helpless me tried holding on to her to get her quiet but it didnt work. she cried and screamed so loudly until the director came out and asked me what happened. =/ so, the director led her into the office and told me to ignore her crying and tantrums. just ensure her safety but not giving her any attention at the same time. and finally, she decided to calm down and stayed quiet after some time.

the next cycle of tantrum came again during maths lesson when she was expected to sit on chair to do her maths question. faced with her tantrums again, i tried token reinforcement on her and thank goodness it worked. the only time i felt in control.

and next, she fell alsp during chinese class =/ TOOK ME A WHOLE LOT OF EFFORT TO GET HER EYES OPEN. wiping her face with cold towel, making her jump etc all didnt work actually.

the accumulation of everything made today a pretty challenging day. i felt damn lousy after work because i just felt i could have handled her better. i admit i got pretty helpless and exasperated with her at times because i really find it hard to understand her on top of all her tantrums =( its very different from doing therapy. therapy is 1 on 1 and there is a clear boundary and expectation from the therapist and the child. but for a girl who has not been through any therapy, its hard to instill that sort of boundary and expectation during class time. i mean, im not saying its impossible but to drill her during classtime is difficult and its beyond the job scope of a shadow teacher anyway. sigh.

4hrs of dealing with tantrums n behavioural issues
= LOTS OF PATIENCE AND DETERMINATION

i swear by the end of my internship, i'll be so patient no one will ever provoke me man.

sometimes i wonder would my girl be better off if she is placed in therapy or special need school instead? im quite sure she is not learning optimally in the mainstream because those things taught in class are way above her capability despite being matched on mental age. and classroom setting is hard for her to learn because the teacher's attention is divided among other children and she will just be sitting there vocalising/exhibiting stimulating behaviour. is that even helpful at all? and its pointless for me to keep redirecting her attention to the teacher when obviously she is not absorbing. i don't really know how to voice this to the mother. im sure she has reasons for placing her child in mainstream. perhaps to learn socially appropriate behaviour, or prep her for normal classroom setting etc. but oh well. im just a new shadow teacher, i shall just observe for a longer period and see how things go.

alright, put that aside. tml will be a better day i hope. i'll just learn along the way and i need to learn faster!

AND MY MUMMY SAYS I LOST WEIGHT! hahahha! IF ONLY MAN. i still weigh the same =( i guess she hasnt been seeing me most of the days thats y. hahaha!

still in the process of researching for my honours thesis. i think my hypothesis for now sounds abit duh =/

ok, i shall stop blogging. time to go work again! i hope 'meet the ppl session' ends early tonight!

schedule for upcoming week
mon - internship + 'meet the people' session at night
tue - internship + meet fairies for bbq n swim in the evening!
wed - internship + back sch to meet prof for thesis in the evening
thurs - internship + therapy session in the evening
fri - internship + therapy session in the evening
sat - N.O.T.H.I.N.G
sun - volunteer work + dinner with friends

very 'exciting' week ahead. i think i shld slp early like NOW.

and oh! i generated a short wishlist! hahahha! (fairies! take ur pick ok! =p)

1. bag
2. clutch
3. wallet
4. cardigans
5. wedges
6. bottle
7. black romper

im starting to feel that my very LONGGGGG hair is a hindrance now given the very HOTTTTT weather =x but i cant bear to cut it because it took my hair more than a year to grow till this length...im so tempted to curl it actually...

and im getting so many bruises lately. 10 bruises to be exact on my knees and arms. too much of kneeling on the floor and fighting with kids. haahha!

met fairies after my work =))) finallly the 5 of us are free to meet up =) headed to arab street for dinner and the place was so empty we literally camwhored there.

haha! ah na's expression =p

hahahha! i think this is so funny!

na, sian and ryl decorated this cake for mok =) too bad i had to work, if not i think the cake would be prettier! HAHAHAHA =PPP

went shopping around haji lane and arab street and ended our day with DESSERT =D

*slurp!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MOK! =))

a day to laze at home =) helped my dad to paint the house! ok, actually i just contributed by painting one side of the door =p heh. wanted to bake shortbread too! but my house ran out of rice flour =/ ended up i was on f21 website shopping for clothes the whole afternoon. haha!

i cant believe the 'meet the ppl' session ended at 1+am yesterday! near 90 ppl turned up. the after effect of election =/ everyone just swarmed down to see the MP and that made all of us worked late into the night. and i was shocked to see that there were still train services at 1+am! does smrt operates till wee hours during eve of public holiday? hmm...

met na for high tea last week =))) its good that i end work at 3pm daily. heh. nice timing for high tea with girlfriends <3 i enjoy just sitting there the whole afternoon with my gfs, catching up with one another, savouring our scones/sandwiches and whatsnot, taking a sip of our tea. ahhh...thats enough to make me happy already. just the thought of it makes me happy too. hahahha! i feel so girly =p i bet guys don't do such things.

our very yummy high tea set =)

photos for ben's 21st =DD

i got teary listening to this song. i think its so touching.

"What are Words" - Chris Medina
Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight

And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

emo song. it makes me think alot. how do u judge whether that person is the right one for u? we all have our ideal kind of partner right? does that mean having found the ideal partner means that partner is the right one for u? if an ideal partner comes at the expense of not spending time with u, not being by ur side when u needed ur partner the most, is that still what u call ideal? and ideal is one thing, being able to get along is another thing. how do u noe whether the person is ideal when both are living in different parts of the world?

nike run with my sis =) the so called 'goddness' run because it's a run just for girls..hahaha! seriously bimbotic run because girls were running with cameras?! =/ and we get trophies and flowers after the run. hahahha! and there were this whole bunch of bangla workers crowding right at the starting line with their cameras and busy snapping photos of girls running. seriously, what the...

tired us after running...

heh. my very tight schedule today. met my friend for lunch at 12.30pm, home by 2.30pm and left for marina barrage for nike run at 3pm. home at 8pm and out again at 8.45pm for ben's 21st birthday! =) and starbucks with guan ning and zhen yuan till 1+ am and home at 2am! tired to the max.

me: i think i have such a common face i don't really leave an impression on ppl
zhenyuan: u do. u are like soooo fair.
me: =/

started internship! =))

good that my internship starts at 11am and ends at 3pm daily =) muahaha! at least i do not have to wake up at like 7am =/ and i can still continue with my therapy from 5to 7pm on thurs n fri, and my 'meet the ppl' session on mon night =) good planning with perfect timing! haha!

first day with my girl and i have lots to learn. i really need to think of something to get her to engage with others. its a social deficit that is probably persistent throughout people with autism and i noe it wouldnt be easy to change my girl especially when im not even like her therapist or anything. but oh well. let me build some rapport with her first. i don't know how long that will take when she doesnt let me enter into her world. and having not much experience dealing with echolalia (one of the characteristics of autism but it doesnt apply to all), sometimes i find it hard to communicate or understand what she is saying because she is practically repeating what i have just said in the exact tone. its like i ask her 'do you want to drink?' and she replies 'want a drink?' so do i take that as she wants the drink or don't want the drink?

but oh well, she's still an adorable girl just like my boy =) haha! i don't really wan to mention their names so bear with all the saying of 'girl' and 'boy'. heh.

headed to pasir ris next for therapy with my boy. was like physical exercise today because he couldnt sit still and hence all the carrying and making him sit nicely admist all the sceaming. but he was fine on the whole and he is progressing well =)

FREEDOM!

even though the paper was like #Q%@$^&#%&%&#Q$#...but oh well. ITS ALL OVER! =D i did what i could in 2hrs and i shall just hope for the best.

and yes, went out with xinyi and she brought me to some middle eastern restaurant at arab street. can u believe i HAVE NOT BEEN TO ARAB STREET?! hahah! oh man. i think im living in a cave or smth. but yea, dinner was good with nice ambience in the restaurant. and many people were smoking shisha i almost suffocate when i walked past the 'smoking room' (we were dining in the non-smoking room)...i cant imagine how they eat in the midst of all the smoke =/

and we had a long talk =) i think girls can reallllly TALK ALOT. our 10hrs worth of discussion the day before and at least 6hrs of talking non-stop after our paper ended.

i cant believe me and xinyi just studied for 10 HOURS STRAIGHT with the exception of 1 toilet break. studying for 'atypical development and language development' is driving us mad. by the time we stepped out of the lib, i was like totally drained already.

last paper tml! im smelling the air of freedom =D