=chErisheD MoMeNt=

2012-02-14T10:17:00.002+08:00

i was googling for some images when i landed up on this blog site. http://hello-son.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2012-01-01T00:00:00%2B08:00&updated-max=2013-01-01T00:00:00%2B08:00&max-results=18.

i just scanned through some of the entries and it kind of touches me for what the mum had done for her lost son.

emo nemo.

2012-02-07T14:34:00.003+08:00

my life cant get any more exciting. first was root canal, then wisdom tooth extraction and now, im finally fit to sit in front of my laptop after lying in bed for the past 3 days recovering from what it seems to be a stomach flu =/ booooo! shall not elaborate the details. not too pleasant to hear =/ but thanks bf for being there, physically and mentally =) *hugs

anyway, as i was slping through the past 3 days, i had many many many many dreams. of which, was this reallly scary dream about having all my teeth falling out one by one =X AND ITS NOT THE FIRST TIME I HAD THIS DREAM. ITS LIKE I'VE BEEN DREAMING THIS SAME OLD DREAM FOR MANY TIMES. i wondered what it means to dream of falling teeth....and so i consulted my best buddy - google.

The typical dream scenarios include having your teeth crumble in your hands, fall out one by one with just a light tap (YESYES!! I DREAMT OF THIS!), grow crooked or start to rot. Such dreams are not only horrifying and shocking, but they often leave you with a lasting image of the dream. So what does it mean?

One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxieties about your appearance and how others perceive you. Your teeth help to convey an image of attractiveness and play an important role in the game of flirtation, whether it is flashing those pearly white, kissing or necking. Thus, such dreams may stem from a fear of rejection, sexual impotence or the consequences of getting old (!!!!!!!). To support this notion, a dream research found that women in menopause report to have frequent dreams about teeth. This points to teeth dreams as being related to getting older and/or feeling unattractive and less feminine. Teeth are an important feature to your attractiveness and how you are presented to others. Caring about how you look is natural and healthy.

Another rationalization for these falling teeth dreams may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxieties. Perhaps you feel that you are unprepared for the task at hand. However, you will find that your worries are unfounded in most cases. Sometimes what plays out in your mind is far worse than what is reality.

Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth symbolize power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream may be an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the importance of what you have to say.

further information from google.

Falling Teeth:
As bizarre as this dream may be don’t be alarmed because it’s quite common. Falling teeth points to all of our worries and anxieties that surround us in life and not being in control. If you are under a lot of pressure and is worried about the outcome its possible this dream may appear. Below are some hints on why your teeth are just falling out of your mouth.

* Stressed about your job situation. (yes, stress over thesis if u are referring to that)
* Fear of being impotent (huh?)
* Afraid looking stupid in front of people (self conscious maybe)
* Stress about looking older/trying to stay young (ehhh, not exactly)
* Have you lied to somebody (NO! im like how honest)
* Lacking power at work or relationship. (eh? no?)

Spitting Out Teeth:
Spitting out your teeth in dreams are pretty common and it generally happens to people who are older. This is an awful dream that feels very real and you don’t want to experience it again. This dream can mean that you are afraid of getting older and loosing your looks. In today’s society we fear getting old and Grey and there is a lot of emphasis on staying young, that’s why a dream like this can feel more real than anything. If your always concerned about your looks or afraid of getting old you will be getting this dream more than once in your life. Another meaning to this dream can imply that your are admitting something that you have held back for while and you expressed it in a direct manner. Some people have experienced illness in the family when they have dreams about there teeth falling out.

i only dreamt of falling teeth and spitting out teeth out of the many scenarios. HAHAH! oh man.

2012-02-02T23:19:00.004+08:00

WISDOM TOOTH EXTRACTION! (i swear im contributing much of my savings to the dentists recently =/ ) and thats $900 for that 35mins surgery. wiped out my medisave nicely =(

my buffet of medication =x thats 11 pills in total. never in my life have i popped 11 pills into my mouth at one shot. yucks.

but thank goodness my cheek didnt swell after the surgery! still fit for class the next day. got freaked out by my sis when she did her wisdom tooth extraction because her cheek was so swollen it was as if she had a mega fishball in her mouth =x

i think my life has been pretty much eventful lately =x

and yes! went to nus career fair today with xinyi and rousi! omg. TELL ME WHATS MY PLAN AFTER I GRAD =x i have a path envisioned somewhere in my head but it might just not work as it should. soooo......howww....suddenly i just feel like continuing my studies. lets not work!

2012-01-23T13:52:00.000+08:00

happpppppyyy chinese new year! =D

this is going to be the last time my er jie is going visiting together with us! boohoo. but it means i'll have one extra red packet. heh!

cousins!

chinese new year didnt really felt like one. i rmb i used to be reallly excited about chinese new year like 10years ago. but now, its just another day. everyone feels the same too?

2012-01-18T23:54:00.000+08:00

i finally got my root canal treatment done. ok, at least part 1 of it.

i made my way down to paragon, and my sense of direction just wasnt working well as usual =x went rounds around paragon before i finally found my way at the endodontic office. i was like realllly nervous i don't know why. i wore my 'legs-hugging' leggings and covered shoes, supposedly good to make me feel reallly secure and safe, but they let me down still. haha! loser. anw, it took a good 45 mins for the endodontist to clear the infection/inflammation and then its done. $890 for that. damn. i swear im going to scrimp and save for at least a few months.

and now i need to remove my wisdom tooth =x *shiver

2012-01-10T20:28:00.002+08:00

met up with joyce for lunch at rider's cafe =D its such a ulu pandan place i would definitely not have gone without a car. so thankfullly joyce drove and we headed to our destination. a pretty nice place but would have been better if not for the crowd. it was sooo packed with people AND I DIDNT GET TO SEE ANY HORSES GALLOPING OUT THERE! anyway, the food werent too bad and it was still nice sitting there catching up with one another.

headed to joyce's place next. our initial plan was to go town to shop but we were just too lazy. ended up lazing around her place.

and she painted my nails! =D

watched movie, talked, camwhored and that sums up tuesday!

2012-01-09T14:12:00.003+08:00

MY VERY TIRED BUT FUN WEEKEND =D

celebrated my cousin's 21st at a chalet =) headed over after therapy on friday and met up with my other cousins. it has been a reallllly longgggggg time since we all met up. so we went out for a drink at night and played like little kids at the playground =D

my sisters and cousins! short of 3 cousins who missed the fun.

and there werent enough beds to fit us all. ended up the younger ones had to sleep in sleeping bags while the adults took the bed. I SWEAR THE FLOOR IS HARD LIKE ROCK. I HAD BRUISES ON MY RIGHT HIP =X and i felt the floor was seriously dirty i cant seem to slp in peace. and i had to tip-toe when i go to the toilet because i just didnt wan my feet to touch the toilet floor =x (yea, im very particular about the cleanliness of toilet. i rather not pee than pee in a dirty toilet). the above probably excludes going for a camp thou. if its a camp, i probably just sleep and the dirty floor wouldnt be of any concern. is like when u know u have an option, u get all picky. right?

didnt stay for the second night at the chalet because we had to take some family shots for my sis wedding the next day. and thereafter, i had to rush to therapy again. i secretly feel proud of myself. HAHAHAHA! cox i had therapy for 3 consecutive days and i had chalet and family shots in between. to think i still had the energy to last me through therapy.

that day momo was really funny. he is toilet training now so he didnt had diaper on during session. so there was once he stood up and started walking around. suddenly he went....

momo: i want open door
me: *thinking its task avoidance so i went 'momo continue work!'
momo: teacher teacher i want open doooooor
me: continue work!
momo: i want i want open doorrr (desperately turning the door knob)
me: what do you want?
momo: *pause awhile. TEACHER! I WANT TO GO SHHH SHHHH
me: HAHA! *quickly open the door
momo: *dashed to find maid to go toilet

momo is really cute. its like he has his way of expressing himself, but due to the lack of language, words that he says can mean many things and sometimes we dun really get it and misinterpret him and thats what happen with the above convo.

OK IM FEELING SLEEPY NOW.

2012-01-08T20:40:00.000+08:00

met up with bf after therapy and this was my dinnnnnerrrrr.....i swear the peanut butter was this <-------------------------------> thick. HAHA! abit overwhelmed by the generous serving of peanut butter, otherwise it was all good =)

ok nth else to say. my aim was to show the THICK PEANUT BUTTER.

2012-01-03T17:01:00.003+08:00

for once, im at home the whole day! =) been going out almost everyday. and so, i get to have my own quiet time today. it feels good to just laze around at home and do things at my own pace. watching tv for 3 hrs, napping for 3 hrs, waking up for a cup of ice coffee and going for a run thereafter =)

semester is starting all over againnnn! last sem to go before i grad! cant really decide whether to further my studies or start working. prob cant get in for masters anyway, the latter might be a better option thou. but work where??!!

2012-01-01T16:54:00.001+08:00

HAPPPPY NEW YEARRRRR =DDDD

perfect site for a good view of the fireworks with boyfriend (yes, im officially introducing you to my blog). hee =D

2011-12-28T09:51:00.001+08:00

met up with my SW1101 (yes, 1101) friends =D the last time we met was like....at least half or one year ago! thats realllly long.

darren is the first among us to start working. SO BEING NICE, HE TREATED US FOR LUNCH =D yay! we were chatting and we realised how darren saw dawn and i through our uni life man. right from year 1 till now...like a daddy...hahah! its amazing how our friendship lasted all these while. how we still manage to keep in contact with each other despite all our busy schedules =) all thanks to sw1101 =D

left to meet fairies for dinnnnnner at indoor stadium! at last, the 5 of us could meet up!

ryl and na treated us to jumbo seafooood (my very generous friends) =D THANKS!

dinner was awesome and it felt like a family reunion dinner as we sat down for our meal. hahah! =) we have all grown up....and we said 10 years down the road, we will bring our kids out for meet up...coool...

2011-12-16T17:01:00.002+08:00

birthday surprise for allena was a success =) yay!

quality time spent =)

2011-12-16T16:53:00.004+08:00

photos from tgyc camp =D kind of miss the kids now that i look at the photos...

2011-12-14T10:07:00.002+08:00

met up with baby for shopping and dinnnnnerrr!!! omg im damn sorry because i made her wait for me for like ONE WHOLE HOUR =X met up with dr so in school to discuss about analysis, hence the delay. sorrry babe!

we started snapping photos of ourselves after we bumped into a rat (i mean a real one) =x and joyce tried to scare me and SHE ENDED UP TRIPPING ON HER OWN FOOT....HAHAHAHHA! sillly.

dinnner part 2! part 1 was a pathetic half a popiah each....AHAHAHA!

my shopping only ended up with 2 pair or earrings, and new clothes for my chacha!

anyway! QUALITY TIME spent with joyce! YAY! =D hugs! and thank you for ur christmas carddddd tooo! =)

2011-12-13T11:15:00.002+08:00

OMG IM DAMN TIRED.

tgyc camp ended last fri! =)) a new experience yet again! this time round, there were alot more overt and aggressive behaviour seen among the kids in my group. felt i could have better handled the situation. its funny because when i do therapy, no matter how the kid pushes his boundary, i can still remain firm and stick to the contract we set, ie having a clear consequence for every act. yet somehow, i cant apply the same when dealing with typical kids. i just cant bring myself to shout at the kids or to enforce consequences unless they have been warned many times. but yea, learning in process. but one thing for sure, i can better interact with the kids now compared to last tgyc camp. yay goood job! =D

anyway, i wasnt in good form during camp. of all time, i just had to fall sick during camp and my buddy was running a fever too. but im really proud because we pulled through and tried our best to put aside all our uncomfy-ness and lead the kids. welll done! =D

camp ended on fri afternoon followed by aar till evening. and to think i still have the energy to go out after that. tai li hai le.

therapy the next day but i was totally off form. headed back sch and nightmare began. OMG. i swear i had enough of codings and doing inter-rater reliability. spent like 3 days straight sorting through everything. everyone of us is probably stressed. stayed at starbucks 9 hours straight with ben n minqi yesterday to clear our inter-rater reliability. and its not helping when ppl raise their voices at me (yea, that explains for my previous post). im not well rested after camp, recovering from my damn infection, doing therapy over the weekends, chionging codings at home, slping late at night AND THE LAST THING I EVER WANT IS FOR SOMEONE TO RAISE HIS VOICE AT ME. you are probably stressed but im equally stressed too. called you early in the morning to ask u some stuff and all i got was 'I DON'T CARE'. fine. and when we met up, i don't even noe what u are peeved at and you just started raising ur voice. I REALLLY CANNOT STAND PPL RAISING THEIR VOICE AT ME!!!!! once you press that sensitive button, thats it. i broke down. damn. cried because i was realllllly angry and stressed and i don't get why must u add on to it. everyone else but you. it really makes me think and wonder.

2011-12-12T16:33:00.002+08:00

i don't get it why people must raise their voice at others. i REALLLY REALLLLY HATE it when ppl raise their voice at me!

2011-12-02T01:02:00.001+08:00

MY FIRST MAGNUM ICE CREAM! omg.

peppermint chocolate coffee. *slurp =)

2011-12-02T00:40:00.002+08:00

YAY! EXAMS OVER!! =DDD

dinner with xinyi at holland v after our last paper ended! =)

the humongous portion.....

chatted with xinyi for like 5hrs straight! FIVE HOURS. hahhaha! we certainly can talk =)) ultimate QUALITY TIME =DDD

anyway, its like a burden off my shoulder when the exams ended. like finallly. too much of unnecessary pressure on myself. came to a point where i started thinking what am i studying for. i could just chill, do my minimum and graduate. does a second lower or upper class matter? guess its more of me trying to prove to myself that i can.

2011-11-04T21:32:00.000+08:00

my patience was pushed to its limit during therapy yesterday. obviously i didnt blow my top on a young helpless child, but yea, i probably spent the entire 2 hours trying to get him to stop screaming. its funnny the way he test for ur boundaries. the more you want him to be quiet, the more he screams. the more he screams right into your face at such a high piercing voice you think you almost going to turn deaf. you gave the instruction for him to stand up and he just flopped himself on the floor and you repeatedly lifted him up over n over again, giving your instruction over and over again for him to stand properly. you cant seem to get his attention because he is simply drifting away or he just stare right through you. and again, you repeatedly gave your instruction, redirecting his attention to the task. sometimes it feels like a battle and you just need to show him that no way is he going to defeat you. only then will you get him back.

exhausted by the end of a 2hr session.

2011-10-31T13:39:00.002+08:00

i just want to stone.

this sem doesnt bode well with my lousy eld grades =x sigh. cant wait for the semester to just end like NOWWWWW.

and im stuck with my 3000words assignment =(

roars.

2011-10-22T21:18:00.000+08:00

Finally done with our group term paper and presentation =DD no more addictive behaviour assignments anymore till exams! yes!

2011-10-21T16:12:00.003+08:00

im going nuts!

ever had a tooth that hurt so badly that u find yourself unable to slp? that you find yourself lying on bed and tearing because you are just so irritated by that damn tooth? that you find yourself waking up at 4am to study because the pain was so bad it only get worse when u lie down in bed? that you start to feel disgusted popping 4 panadols a day to kill the pain? that you wanted so much to do your work but you simply just cant concentrate? ROARS. omg. that was exactly how i felt the past one week. amazing how i survived through without having my parents and sisters think that I WAS DYING IN PAIN. suffering in silence totally =(

but yea. thank goodness the pain is GONE now.

don't know why i felt so depressed the past few days. the tooth probably contributed much of it but still....*shrugged

i guess we all have moments where we just want to cry =( and i guess im giving myself way too much pressure for dunno what reason. roars. time for a goooood run.

2011-10-16T23:55:00.002+08:00

TADAH! the trios met up =DD this is supposed to be a continuation of the previous post.

it was damn amusing when baby and i was shopping at f21 and i was telling her....'hey u noe what! u can just buy u noe...because mj and i got u f21 voucher =D' and then her eyes opened like DAMN BIG and she went 'WE GOT YOU F21 VOUCHER TOO!' hahahhaha! our belated birthday gift turned out to be the same. heh. so we happily bought our skirts =)) and happily wore it the next day. hahahaha!

2011-10-13T16:58:00.002+08:00

met up with babbbyyy =D hahahah! baby always sound misleading. but yea! our endearing terms for each other <3 HAHAHA!

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING. ENDED UP TAKING PHOTOS. right....

OK! BACK TO WORK! more updates later when mj join us =D

2011-10-11T23:34:00.002+08:00

ycamp afterglow =D

okapi and its group of volunteers =D

yay! so that nicely wrapped up ycamp =) haha! im abit of 'woman of few words' now because im zonking out already =x

2011-10-10T00:23:00.000+08:00

met up with psychology clique few days back =D

it has beeeen near 3 months since we last met!! now that yifang, allena n jac are working...we don't even get to see other in school anymore =( our 3 hours of dinner and dessert was simply tooo short for us to do a proper catch up...but yea, nice catching up...just felt like how it was back then in school..heh =) all the bitching and 'woooo' and 'ahhhh' over the slightest issue. HAHA!

2011-10-08T20:27:00.002+08:00

id says go ahead while superego says no this is not right. and so ego has to balance between the demands from id and that of superego, which obviously, id had to give in to superego. yea man. hate it when i find myself doing certain things and i cant find an explanation to what im doing. if i noe is not right, then y do i still carry on doing it? is that supposed to mean anything? i dunnno =(

2011-10-07T22:32:00.000+08:00

met ryl n na for dinnner =D it seems like i haven been seeing them for reallly longg...but yea...we went shopping for our halloween party =) hahaha! totallly random =x

AND RYL SAYS I NEED TO BLOG THIS. a new found academy called SEEHWEE'S ACADEMY =D apparently the first batch had graduated so they are the alumni of seehwee's academy now. the current batch is now in year 1 sem 2. HAHAH! and ryl and na are the advisor of this academy =p OK! nvm, inside joke. heh!

talking to ryl and na nva fail to make me laugh like i nva laugh before in my previous life. =DDD

see the fairies during halloween party! YAY! =D

2011-10-05T23:39:00.004+08:00

eld paper was horrendous =x hate leaving the room feeling unsatisfied and insecured about the whole damn paper. and feeling totally OMG if i have to recall what i wrote for my answer =x roars.

8hrs spent editing addictive behaviour term paper with group mates today =x spent the bulk of our time discussing whether compulsive buying behaviour should be classified as impulse control disorder or as a form of addiction =x roars.

AND I ACTUALLY FORGOT ABT JOYCE'S 21ST BIRTHDAY PARTY. OMG. i feeeel damn lousy. how could it slipped off my mind =(((( like seriously. damn. sooorrrrryyyy baby! im so going to meet up with u next week! =( my memory is failing me....nooooo....

and yes! val and mabel's effort...i feel happy looking at the pot =D

2011-09-25T21:42:00.002+08:00

i don't know why but i just feel totally not motivated this sem. WHY?!

i just cant seem to sit still and do what i planned to do. making me so irritated. ROARS. need to find back my motivation......MORE COFFEE PLEASE. i have sooo many things on my 'to-do list' now and i don't know why i find myself so laid back =x tsk.

anyway, therapy sessions over the past 3 days were goood =D i totally melted when momo went 'teacher teacher, i want bao bao' omg. im more than willing to bao him. HAHA! and when i carried him, he would go 'teacher i wan turn' (asking me to turn in circles, and he would giggle and laugh). recently he has new stunts. he would ask me to tickle his elbow. apparently that amuses him and amuses me totally. HAHA! and sometimes he would smile so happily his face would come so near to mine, we would play the 'nose touch nose' game. HAHA! as in, momo's nose would touch my nose and vice versa. damn cute. AND I TAUGHT MOMO THE HOKEY POKEY DANCE =DDD heh. but therapy kind of hit an obstacle cox we really don't know how we could teach him to differentiate between soft and hard. he seems all confused and he just anyhow wack an ans each time i asked him. and yes, after 40 trials today, 30 trials yesterday and xx trials the day before, he finally could label the colour GREY! *claps sometimes i looked back and recalled how it was like during my very first therapy session. felt totally different. the past 7 mths haven gone to waste when i see how much momo have improved and how a stronger bond is formed between me and momo now =D

ppl wonder why is there a need to put children with autism in therapy. arent we forcing them to do things they would otherwise not like to do? shouldnt we leave them all alone. perhaps they like it that way? i really don't know how i would ans this because i've seen how much therapy can improve a child with autism and i don't see in what way momo is unhappy because we intruded his world.

2011-09-20T14:25:00.003+08:00

ycamp is over!

i must say that ycamp was awesome, with awesome working partner, with awesome volunteers and awesome beneficiaries =DD so that made my experience in ycamp a GOOD one =)

it interests me to see how people coming from different backgrounds, people with different personalities, people with different working styles, people with different thoughts n ideals all come together to contribute their part for ycamp. its pretty encouraging to see the effort put in by everyone, that the beneficiaries are still loved no matter who they are =)))

i totally melted when i saw volunteers handling their beneficiaries. from being stunned and feeling at lost at day 1, to being enthusiastic and all hyped-up on day 2, to sharing their joy and experiences on day 3. all their effort count. every single bit of it. especially when i saw 3 guys in my group handling one kid. they were totally awesome and i just couldnt help but smile when i saw them all putting aside their manliness and did whatever they could just to interact and play with their beneficiary, bathed and cleaned and fed their beneficiary. i feel happy for them because their genuine act of wanting to help their beneficiary is remarkable, and for the fact that they had 0 experience handling children with special needs, they were awesome =)

im sure everyone in ycamp came for a purpose. definitely, conflicts and problems arise during camp but ultimately, i feel that so long as we have met our purpose/objective then all else is secondary.

and i definitely came home feeling 'value-added'. the camp totally made me realise how autism is truely hetereogenous. it is easy for us to reason but to reason with children with autism is not easy at all. we say children with autism has a deficit in theory of mind, the lack of ability to take someone else's perspective. but so? how are we going to make them understand that others have a mind of their own? why school textbook didnt teach me how to deal with that??! though at the end of the day, the problem was resolved but it was after much experimenting and testing what work and what didnt. but yea, i guess thats what learning is all about. and one of the beneficiaries totally made me laugh whenever i talked to him. a pity the rockwall was cancelled due to rain =( my beneficiary was totallly looking forward to it since day 1 =( but its alright! weather is unpredictable.

and one thing! i totally don't like it when people say the kid is autistic, the kid is intellectually disabled. no, they are not!!!!! they are children with autism, children with intellectual disability. the condition is a part of them, not the whole of them. so people, lets not label the children! not good!

anyway, ycamp ended on a happy note! so i shall wrap up my feelings and move onnnn!

2011-09-11T12:37:00.002+08:00

yay! my dajie just came home from london after 1.5mths! and she came home with LOTS OF SHORTBREAD =DDD

and she bought me a belated birthday present...heh shortbread again =)

and its damn cute cos you can wind the thing and it plays the happy birthday song =D

shortbread AGAIN! expensive shortbread that cost 10 pounds...

now my house is like a minimart full of shortbread, cookies and whatnot. haha!

2011-09-06T20:53:00.003+08:00

i don't exactly know what i want to blog about. but i just want to blog.

i guess im pretty much overwhelmed by the heavy workload.not just sch work, but my tons of other committment out of sch. to the extent that i feel as if studying is not my priority anymore. which shouldnt be the case. i need to maintain my CAP! if not im just wasting my effort for the past 3 years pulling it up. so, press on!

anyway, went down to st andrew hospital in the evening and i was briefed about the experiment. i cant believe im acting as a stranger/experimenter for the Ainsworth Strange Situation. Its like, ainsworth strange situation is only something that we read about in books and now, i find myself being part of the experiment! ACTUALLY, ainsworth strange situation is not even within my scope and they just conveniently roped me into the experiment. but oh well, i guess its good exposure so i willingly agreed to help them out on top of running experiments for the 6mths infants. SO THAT MEANS GOODBYE TO MY SUNDAYs FROM NOW ONWARDS!

張芸京-相反的我
我看着镜子后面皱著眉的我
很孤单她有话想说
像天空不会永远都是蓝色的
有阴天你才会抬头
走穿多少的巷弄
笑了哭了
有三四个人爱我

Chorus:
我想要一个乱了
数字的时钟
我想做一个完全相反的我
我在这个世界拼命些什么
累死我
我有双不听任何命令的耳朵
去享受快乐加上自由的我
我要变成一颗透明的石头
我不会动
也不会痛

像轮胎用了太久没气了所以
原谅我想消失几周
每个人都在选好的轨道奔走
讲真的我想要呼救
请看爱情的脸孔
美的丑的
几千万人都被愚弄了

Repeat Chorus
这个我那个我
不一样的我
等什么想什么
怕什么

ahahha! my song to listen to when im overwhemled with work. sometimes i really don't know why am i doing so many things at one time. but again, i realised that when i grow older, there are really alot of things out there that i want to try out. its really just a matter of taking that one step and you will realise how much you will gain in return. just like how i nva imagine myself being a therapist for a kid with autism. i reallly really learnt alot from it and i think this kind of experience is smth you wouldnt get in school and i totally didnt regret doing this. running experiments in lab is also another area we don't get out of textbooks. reading abt experiments and actually carrying em out are pretty much different. planning and running camps for typical and atypical children is also a good exposure for me especially when im studying psychology. i kind of like the feeling of knowing that i learnt something everytime i do a thing. is like i feel 'value added'. of course, at the end of the day, i get all stressed up and everything because i need to juggle this and that, but i think, its worthwhile. at least thats what i think as of now.

hokay, blog again later. back to my assignment.

2011-08-29T18:45:00.003+08:00

looking at the list of deadlines....

- 7 sept commentary (AB)
- 11 sept critque (ELD)
- 14 sept commentary (AB)
- 16 sept reflective paper (child ab)
- 21 sept commentary (AB)
- 2 oct critque (ELD)
- 12 oct term paper (AB)
- 19 oct presentation (AB)
- 21 oct presentation (child ab)
- 8 nov presentation (ELD)
- 11 nov reflective paper (child ab)

i should stop thinking that im actually quite free =x

2011-08-27T21:47:00.004+08:00

i used to think i have superb memory and damn proud of myself that i do not need an organiser because i can rmb all the dates! but lately, im starting to change that view of mine =x and before i start to forget abt this n that, i better blog em down...

wed - meet someone at 5pm to collect stuff at bugis, 7pm ycamp meeting
thurs -grp meeting at ten am in school, ebees camp meeting at 4pm
fri -2pm at st andrew hosp for expt, 7pm ycamp meeting

ok, i think thats for my weekdays this week. at least thats what i rmb.

2011-08-26T22:44:00.003+08:00

ROARSSSSS! IM FEELING SO IRRITATED!!

hate the feeling of wanting to do smth but find myself stucked at it =/ zzzzz.

just not the right mood today. damn it.

bu zhi dao wei she me you na me duo thoughts running in my head.

i feel so lost. like i don't know what im doing.

sigh.

if only i close my eyes and tadah, my commentary is done, jiu hao le..

alright, im totally just ranting random stuff on my blog.

back to work.

2011-08-24T23:14:00.000+08:00

met val for tea at toy museum after my class =D

val wrote me this love letter. awwww =DD sweet to the max! you know, its amazing how our friendship went through all the ups and downs. and how volunteering and camps brought our friendship back again! =D to me, its not easy to find friends whom you would consider to be 'close', close in the sense that you can confide comfortably in them and no mater how unglam you are in front of them, it doesnt really matter because we would just laugh it all. there isnt a need to you noe, bao chi xing xiang kind of thing. and yea, val is definitely someone that fits nicely to what i say.

and yea, i rmb what we said back then in sch lib! hahahah! except that i forgot what rachel said =x heh! those were the memories man. val! hold on with samuel! im always damn amazed by you and samuel. 7 years and going strong =D make it 10yrs and settle down! =)

anyway. awesome quality time spent =D thanks for the treat too val! hugs!

2011-08-22T00:23:00.000+08:00

did my 2% worth of assignment in the morning and afternoon before heading to therapy in the evening. im starting to feel that i can better interact with momo now than before! good thing. either he has shown improvement socially or maybe somehow, we have established a bond =)

met val, guan ning, ben and eileen after my therapy! i was supposed to head down to hatched BUT the cab took forever to come so ended up, they cabbed down from hatched and we headed to marriot for a drink =D

this is like my first time drinking wine with friends! atas dao yi ge bu xing!

and yes! it was farewell night for ben! all the best to u when u are overseas! =DDD

my huat kueh cake! hahaha =D

thanks for the card too! very big chinese name! hahha!

and thanks for all the ling ling long longs =DDD ben who chose it and val who gave advice over the phone. HAHA!

2011-08-20T23:37:00.000+08:00

had therapy in the morning and off i met ryl, na and mok at tampines! =D

this was damn funny! i caught mok whatsapping ryl! =X (mok always fail at hiding things from ppl) so i decided to join in the fun. hahaha! and the 4 of us just whatsapp-ed each other on our way to cityhall.

this is like the most creative candle i have ever seen! oh yes! fairies got me a greentea ice cream with red bean waffle! yums! all my fav in one dessert =DDD hahaha! but anyway, back to the creative candle. REALLY CAN BLOW E CANDLE!

they say must cut it like a birthday cake =x

and so i seriously cut it

ATTACK! nomnomnom

thanks fairies! =D short of mok in the photo but hope ur singing assessment/exam went well! =D

met my friend (thanks for the present! =D) for dinner at night and ended my day! =D

2011-08-19T23:06:00.003+08:00

thanks xinyi and rouisanna for the chocolate CARAMEL (had to emphasize the word) cake =D thanks for the mini surprise after class today =) hugss!

and yes, met na and ryl after sch to chill at coffee club =) they were sooooo thoughtful and sweet and awesome and whatnot. because we have planned to meet tml with the rest of the fairies so i was asking her why couldnt we just meet all together then? and ryl told me 'cannot, is your birthday u cannot be alone, so must pei you' awwww...melted....and yes, thanks for the cake (tasted like sour prunes thou) too! haahhaha! =D

hahahha! retarded pic of the day.

headed for therapy next! momo was good. i managed to get him sing some part of a song =D

there was a farmer had a dog
and bingo was his name oh
B I N G O X3
and bingo was his name oh

HAHAH! now this song is stucked in my mind =/ one day, i will get him to sing the entire song!

had dinner with my family at airport after therapy! wanted my secret recipe cake and apparently they closed down =x erms. oh well.

so i had this cute cupcake instead! =D

amd a birthday card (together with a 1pg essay on how he made the card) mailed to my hse from guan ning! hahahahaha! thanksss! =D

2011-08-16T23:12:00.003+08:00

i finally made up my mind to drop Sports Psychology after attending the seminar today. i was staring at the prof throughout the entire lesson, trying to make sense of what she was saying and my mind fought a teeny weeeny war - 'SPORTS PSYCH OR EARLY LANGUAGE DEV? SPORTS PSYCH OR EARLY LANGUAGE DEV? SPORTS PSYCH OR EARLY LANGUAGE DEV?' and so i left the seminar with the conclusion of dropping sports psych. hahahha!

i guess sports psychology is pretty an interesting field. But its just too new a field im kind of overwhelmed by all the information. i suppose this module is more of like a 'good-to-know' rather than a 'must-know'. and in any case, i prolly won't head towards that field. SOOOOO.....i shall take early language development (although its REALLLLY DRYYY =X).

anyway.....i got so stressed up on my way home today. just felt everything is in a mess now. thesis seems to be heading nowhere =x and my friends are like studying already =x i only started sch for like 2 days and my friends are already studying in lib. oh god.

ok, i need some planning. time to camp at starbucks, sip my caramel macchiato and study/research/read up articles.

and yes...ben was awesome because he helped me send email to dr so!! THANKSSS =D

2011-08-14T23:14:00.002+08:00

i suddenly feel so emo again =( the scenes kind of just flashed in my mind again.

2 years and i just cant seem to let it go afterall.

cries.

2011-08-06T09:27:00.000+08:00

day 5! realised i forgot to blog abt day 5 =/ actually there wasnt much to say abt day 5 because we were both damn tired already. we made our way to tsim sha tsui just to buy egg tart, stopped by mobile ice cream stall for softee ice cream, snapped more photos before we headed to starbucks to chillax =) our only fear came when we almost missed our flight back hm! =/xia si ren le. and i did e most retarded thing ever after we landed in sg...hahah! shall not say it here =p anyway, my hongkong trip was awesome at the endof e day =)))made awesome because ryl was such a great companion!hahah!!all e stupid nonsense we did together =)) and our adventure was goooodddd!! i like the feeling of simply just walking around and not knowing where we would end up to be. sometimes we chance upon nice places to eat etc and its like machiam we found a gem in e midst of where we were. being lost in a foreign country was adventure to me as we tried to make sense of where we were and many times we failed!hahaha!! girls were nva meant to read maps =x hahah!! but it was like we achieved the greatest thing in e world when we found our way =))))))) goood job =)

2011-08-05T01:50:00.001+08:00

Day 4

lots and lots of walking for the day!!! we took the ferry to hong kong island and started our expedition. With the help of the ding ding tram, our VERY HARDWORKING legs and maps,we successfully made our way to our many destinations. it was pretty fun actually figuring our way and stopping by our destinations to buy goodies. yea, that includes getting lost halfway but we still managed to find our way back so thats good enough =D

i think we could have rolled down the slope =x

oh, side track abit. when we were exiting the mtr station, we heard some noises and we thought it was some funeral =x but it wasnt. apparently ppl were like shi wei-ing outside the bank. so i quickly snapped a few shots.

anw, i think ryl and i were damn zai because we were carrying so many stuff on our hands, carrying our very heavy bags and walking up slopes n down slopes, climbing up stairs and climbing down stairs, squeezing ourselves into the dingding tram and what not. cant help but to say GOOD JOB! *pat on our shoulders

and with so many things on hands, we headed to stanley next!

Next Stop - Stanley

a little village on its own

seriously, there werent much things there

but they have prettttty scenery =D

goood to sit and chill =)

stopped at stanley for an hr or two just to chill and rest before we hopped on their mini bus to causeway bay at night!

Next Stop - Causeway Bay
we went all the way there just for their lao po bing! but yea, its the kind that i liked so i didnt mind the travelling. HAHA! settled our dinner there as well =)

Next Stop - Mongkok

went back to our hotel to unload all our goodies before we headed for mongkok for more shopping! =D
noodles that mok recommended! YUMS! =D

we were trying to find our way to ladies market but we got LOST again =/ by the time we found it, they were already closed. HAHA! oh well. nehmind. i bet they have nth much there.....haha!

we were dead tired when we got back to our hotel after an entire day of walking, being under the sun, carrying damn heavy stuff!!! but it was fun =D felt like an adventure for the day.

2011-08-04T01:56:00.000+08:00

Day 3 - Shopppping dayyyy!

had our brunch and headed to mongkok to shopppp! =D shopped for near 5 hrs before we headed to somewhere near our hotel for their yummy steamed egg =D

*slurp

Next stop - Victoria Peak

took a ferry to hongkong island and our adventure begins again! we were making our way to victoria peak and the map on hand told me that a 10mins walk woudl bring me to the lower ground terminal where we could then take the tram up to the peak. but....is either we seriously had no sense of direction or the map is just simply flawed. WE COULDNT FIND OUR WAY THERE!

thank goodness we bumped into this girl who happened to be waiting for a shuttle bus that would pass by the peak. so we gladly followed her up the bus =))

the girl told us to alight here (the picture above), some niao bu sheng dan de di fang with no one around =x apparently she says we could walk up the peak but its pretty impossible actually.

ryl was so amazed with the houses. haha! its funny that we werent even afraid of being stranded somewhere. we were still camwhoring along the way. bumped into 2 ah pehs who gave us directions up the peak which we followed but decided to hop on a cab up the peak. if not, by the time we walked up the peak, it would have been the next day already...

reached the peak and went to madam tussauds wax museum. took countless photos there but it is impossible for me to upload all onto my blog so i just picked a couple of them.

mozart

tiger woods

william shakespeare! reminds me of twelfth night - "if music be the food of love, play on..."

don't need me to say, you probably know who this is

view from the peak

had our dinner at the peak, a place that my sis recommended..

"where's my fooood?!"

ended our dinner at 11pm and back to hotel way past midnight again! hahaha!

2011-08-03T01:12:00.001+08:00

DAY 2 =D

our breakfast for the day!

Next stop - ocean park

it was damn funny. we wanted to try something mild for a start but found ourselves on this roller coaster that scare us like dunno what. but yea, it was fun =D didnt manage to capture the eagles that were CIRCLING above the coaster.

the ride that goes 360 degree...(ps: bendi! thats the one i told u)

this indian guy helped us to take this photo and he went 'OK! VERY PRETTY!' then he left. when we looked at the photo...THIS IS WHAT WE GOT =x oh, ryl's friend came to join us at ocean park which explains for an additional person in this photo.

the river rapid ride.

i wanted to try this!! but no one wanted to try it with me! =(

NEXT STOP - DINNER
i swear we took damn long to find this place! apparently they have very good review on their cheese noodles but this shop is located at such a niao bu shen dan de di fang we were walking round the streets searching for it. ended up, we found this shop inside this rundown building. but yea, GOOD JOB finding this shop! *pat on our shoulders

but yea, the cheese noodles tasted good! =D i love cheese! so thats a perfect dinner for me =) i could well cook this on my own eh. i suppose i could just boil maggi mee and melt the cheese over it.

we had to take a photo after searching high n low for it!

next stop - shopping at granville street!
shopped till 11pm+ before we finally decided to take the mtr back to our hotel. its a pretty nice place to shop because the whole stretch of street just sells clothes. haha!

this waffle-taste-alike thing =) meant to be our supper but ended up as our breakfast for the next day. haha!

back to our hotel way past midnight. no worries we didnt get lost this time! masked and slp!

2011-08-02T01:41:00.000+08:00

Hongkong DAY 1

on the plane =)

our lunch after we checked in our hotel! hahaha! looked not that appealing but yea, it tasted fine =)

the funnny looking straw....

NEXT STOP - CABLE CAR

inside the cable car! hahaha!

and we tried this tau huay from this auntie...

tasted pretty good actually except for this mild ginger taste...

NEXT STOP - DINNER AT MONGKOK

met up with ryl's friend for dinner and ryl's craving for salmon explains for this

ryl and her friend karen, who actually treated us the dinner!

NEXT STOP - DESSERT =D
karen brought us to a nice place for dessert!
yummmmy! the hongkonger calls this 'xin tai ruan' while i suppose we call it some molten chocolate cake or some sort.

and you know what! we actually got lost because we couldnt find our way back to our hotel after we exited the mtr station =x it was night time so all the shops were closed and we couldnt find any specific landmark. actually we had map with us. BUT SOMEHOW WE JUST COULDNT GET THE DIRECTION RIGHT =X hahahha! we walked for like i think 30minutes before we finally got back to our hotel! it was like past midnight by then =x haha! but oh well, at least we figured it out on our own =) good job!

2011-07-21T01:10:00.002+08:00

haven been updating my blog!

was working for 'meet the ppl' session on mon when this unreasonable lady called and i just so happened to pick up that call. SHE WAS SCREAMING AND SHOUTING AND SCOLDING ME for things that is not even within my control!!!!! WHAT THE... got sooooo pissed off by her call. ROARS. i don't understand why people just cannot speak properly. shouting and screaming doesn't solve the problem man. it just reflects damn badly on them. and i damn loser. I don't know why when people raise their voice at me, my tears just welled up eh. damn. its like i cant control it. it just happens. unglam to the max especially when there are so many people working for 'meet the ppl' session =/ i have all the patience in the world but just not dealing with unreasonable ppl that screams and shout at me.

im ending my internship in another 7 days! time flies man. its like near 2.5mths working at weecare.

kid: teacher! i want to go poo
me: oh ok, i bring you to the toilet
kid: *went to the toilet
kid: OKAY IM DONE!
me: do you know how to clean yourself?
kid: DON'T KNOW!
me: erms. okk, teacher help u
kid: teacher! u must clean me properly ok.
me: OKAY!

hahahha! OMG.

and my girl freaked me today when she ate sunblock =x

2011-07-17T21:33:00.002+08:00

its not a good idea to stay at home for the entire day. i can never make it as a zhai nv. haha! i was basically just eating and sleeping the whole day =/ not very healthy.

went for therapy session in the evening. momo was jumping and jumping on his bed until the whole bed collapsed! i mean literally collapsed with all the planks and screws on the floor =/

momo and me: *stunned looking at the collapsed bed
momo: 'teacher teacher, i want help!'
me: 'teacher cannot help you fix it back this time'
momo: *starts whining'

hahah! i totally cant do anything to fix his bed so all i could do was just to redirect him to do work. thankfully he didnt insist on getting the bed fixed. momo was doing well during session today except for the occasional banging of tables, jumping and screaming =)

u noe what, i suddenly feel like just going back to sch! i just want to sit at starbucks, drink my caramel macchiato and write my notes! i dunno why. random feeling.

and damn, i should be coding my videos but i have absolutely no motivation for that =( ok, deadline for myself - finish coding all 8 videos by this friday! i shall go starbucks and do work tml after my work!

tell me how to not feel anymore.

2011-07-14T23:24:00.004+08:00

u know, i don't know how i should feel now. i went for a longggg run just now and i find myself tearing when i run. i dunno why. after near a year of waiting, that was the conclusion. was my wait worth afterall? i guess there's nth much to be sad abt but i dunno why i just find myself pretty much bothered by it. WHY?! i feel like im a toy somehow. up to u to define whats a toy.

you asked whether im ok, i guess i am on the surface.

hate it when my emotions go on a roller coaster ride =(

2011-07-10T22:40:00.000+08:00

updates from my batam trip!! even though it wasnt exactly a very pleasant trip, we still took 100+ photos. HAHA! =)) the trip would have been a whole better if not for the crowd and long waiting time.

the resort that we stayed in! i think my stay at st regis made me a pampered girl. HAHAHA! harris resort was like erm....i didnt even took off my slipper when i was inside the room =/ but their staff was good which kind of compensate for that.

look at the crowd behind us! we waited damn long just to check ourselves in =/

for the first time, my family went bowling together! =)

my poor chipped nails as a result of bowling. ouch.

A&W! yums!

waiting againnnnn...my sis irritated look...HAHHA!

for the whole trip, we were just queuing (not exactly queuing either because everyone was just swarming around the entrance, squeezing their way through =/ ) and waiting. roars!

2011-07-04T23:17:00.000+08:00

my 'busy-like-a-bumble-bee' day!

woke up at like 6AM for my great eastern run! =) technically speaking I do not have to wake up THAT EARLY but cox my sis's run starts at 7.30am and I wan to hitch a ride from her, I left house with her! run was good except for certain part of the route...

hahah! my first run with cousin =) more to come! We shall run for 10km next k!

reached home at 11.15am after my run and i had to reach St Andrew Hospital at 12.30pm! thank goodness daddy was nice enough to send me there because i was running late =) the entire experiment lasted 3hrs and all i did was just to observe, play with the kids and SANITIZE whatever the kid touches...haha! ended at 4.15pm and had to go for therapy session at 5pm! ended at 7pm and headed to town to meet my cousins for dinner and finally home at 12am!

omg. im a wonderwoman running on tight schedules.

2011-06-26T00:45:00.004+08:00

happppy 1st anniversary to TRIOS =DD im so glad we became really goood friends. the days back at stradivarius were definitely memorable and more so with our subsequent meet ups =)))

mj was late and that made baby and i spent $$$$ on clothes n accessories (more linglinglonglongs for me!) because we went shopping around while waiting for her. dined at din tai fung and dessert at this hongkong cafe. yums! =D

hugss to TRIOS =D

2011-06-25T23:24:00.001+08:00

yay! thanks for making my otherwise DAMN IRRITATED day HAPPY =D

2011-06-25T17:28:00.002+08:00

I DONT KNOW WHY BUT IM FEELING SO IRRITATED.

walking around in airport for 30mins finding a place with power plug irritates me
lousy internet connection irritates me
holiday planning getting nowhere irritates me
feeling hungry and cant eat irritates me
the feeling of irritation irritates me

ROARS! im irritated!

2011-06-25T00:16:00.003+08:00

quality time spent with valerie today =D we headed to broun cafe at clark quay which was pretty nice a place to chill because its pretty quiet =) and most importantly, they serve HEALTHY foood =D

it was a mini birthday celebration for valerie in advance because i couldnt make it for meeting next monday. soooo, i decided to get cupcakes and card for her =)

pretty little cupcakes =)) val! good photography skills. cant tell the....you-know-what...haha! it was damn funnny. i brought candles, along with matches =/ HAHAHA! i brought lighter too actually, just in case the matches fail and valerie may noe how to use a lighter. but we soon realised that WE BOTH DIDNT NOE HOW TO USE A LIGHTER =/ so thank goodness, we have matches! =)

the lighter that no one knew how to use =/ hahhahaha!

our 8 years of friendship is full of peaks and valleys. How both of us became closer in the later part of Sec 1, which caused some fall outs, which made us closer, which then fell apart when we left school, which then led us to meeting randomly, which brought us to a camp together, which made us closer again in the later part of our Uni life. (Ong, 2011). HAHA! oops val! i cited from ur blog =p dont mind eh?

but yes! i think some friends are just meant to be. even though we drifted apart for some time, when we got back again, we clique just as good as before =) THIS IS CALL PRIMARY FRIENDS! seriously, how many this kind of friends do we have?

we talked alot during the entire afternoon. from our good old secondary sch days to jc friends to uni ppl. ultimate quality time =) and yes, i enjoyed every single bit of it talking to val. ultimate word of affirmation =)

more meet ups! =)

2011-06-23T00:00:00.002+08:00

i was all over singapore running errands today!

went orchard forum in the morning to help my kid buy some stuff and WALKED FROM FORUM TO ORCHARD CENTRAL TO BUY GELARE WAFFLE FOR BEN JIE / BERNICE / BEN10 /JIEMEI / SISTER (take ur pick! fair enough eh?). it wasnt exactly along the way (that explains for the big capital letters) but i was nice enough to fulfil what u wanted. tsk, this kind of friend go where find eh?!

met yuxi at outram station next to pass him back his camera and off i headed to school to transfer files from my harddisk to the one in lab. and the transfering of files took like 3hrs plus =/ met ryl in the evening to pass her f21 clothes and off to little india to meet my cousin for dinnner and shun bian pass her stuff too!

damn fulfiling day.

anyway, dined at 15mins at laselle sch =)

the dessert that looks good but erm....tasted very average...

not too bad a tiramisu...

nice catching up with my cousin =) QUALITY TIME.

2011-06-19T21:36:00.010+08:00

hotel stay at st regis with family =DD damn awesome hotel with excellent service. im someone who cant stand poor service so st regis was way good. we even had a butler whom we can call when we need anything like tea etc.

the awesomely big toilet...

can watch tv when u soak in the bathtub...

my sisters =)

all the alcohol..hahah! and and and! saw this 2 metal tin at the side of the drawer? i did a damn retarded thing.

me: (saw this metal tin that reads "intimate kit" )wah, they have such nice tin for sewing kit eh?

er jie: oh, whats that? (pointing to the "intimate kit')

me: sewing kit

da jie: WHAT SEWING KIT?! ITS CONDOM LA!

me: *turned the tin to the back and read the content - '3 x-brand condom, 2 x-brand lubricant'

HAHA. omg. literally rolled on the floor and laughed. condom says condom la...what intimate kit =/ intimate kit reminds me of lingerie. you know, like you need to sew back ur lingerie or smth. =/

damn cute! they have a pillow menu to choose from! =)

my parents' hotel room

and their toilet nicer than ours! hahaha! the tub is in the middle of the toilet and the black screen is the tv.

dined at angus house =) and we had this room to ourselves because they didnt have enough seats for us! haha! as if we were some VIP or smth. but yea, for the same price we get to enjoy some privacy.

appetiser!

my salmon roe and abalone spag

dessert!

no photos for the soup and salad!

and we had wine before bed!

nice way to spend the weekends, sitting on sofa and sipping tea =))) sauna, hydromassage, steam bath were awesome. love.

had therapy session after i reached hm. the boy was down with fever due to side effect of medication and i felt damn heartache to see him all so tired and groggy and still having to sit through the session with me =/ i acceded to his request for bed and he just lied on bed with his teary eyes, wanting to slp and there i was trying to get him to work after a couple of minutes. all i wanted to do was to hug the boy and tell him he will be ok soon. poor thing =(

2011-06-16T15:53:00.001+08:00

baked cookies!

my cookies in the ovennn..

but i think i haven been baking cookies for long. it tasted a little substandard. haha! ok nvm. still edible. =)

2011-06-16T13:46:00.002+08:00

updates updates!

my 2 weeks of break from internship is goooood =D although technically speaking, i only work 4hrs a day for my internship but still, NO WORK = HAPPY =D yes.

and I DYED MY HAIR ON MY OWN =) haha! ok la, not exactly on my own. more of me mixing the solution and reading the instruction to my mum and my mum helped me do the rest. hahah! so i got nice chestnut brown hair now =) or simply put, ka zhua brown. HAHA! and apparently ONLY VALERIE COULD TELL THE COLOUR DIFF. omg. guys are bad at it. i met ben and guanning and they went 'u mean u dyed?!' ITS PRETTY OBVIOUS ISNT IT?! ok, maybe the colour hasnt shown back then.

and i was surprised to receive postcard sent by guan ning while he was in cambodia doing volunteer work. hahahha! apparently the postcard reached me on the same day he returned to singapore. hahahha! postcard n guanning were on the same flight =/ but yea, it was sweet of him to send postcards to us =)

met val ydae for TEA, ok COFFEE for me =) sat down, chillax and talked =D this is called QUALITY TIME. everytime i rationalise things out, i seem to get a clearer picture. For now, the answer seems clear. i don't know abt tml. shrugged. leave that aside. met up with guan ning for dinner and off to ymca for meeting =) actually i cant wait for the camp to start =) i bet it will be awesome.

ben10 sends me a emo nemo songg!

最熟悉的陌生人 - 萧亚轩

还记得吗窗外那被月光染亮的海洋
你还记得吗是爱让彼此把夜点亮
为何后来我们用沉默替代依赖
曾经朗朗星空渐渐阴霾

心碎离开转身回到最初荒凉里等待
为了寂寞是否找个人填心中空白
我们变成了世上最熟悉的陌生人
今后各自曲折各自悲哀

只怪我们爱得那么汹涌爱得那么深
于是梦醒了搁浅了沉默了挥手了却回不了神
如果当初在交会时能忍住了激动的灵魂
也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里沉沦

我们变成了世上最熟悉的陌生人
今后各自曲折各自悲哀

no matter how much i have gotten over past relationships, a part of me still holds on to some memories and i think the most hurtful thing is to realise that someone whom you have been close to turn stranger the next day. whether it was a logical mutual decision or a one-sided decision, it hurts. it makes me feel afraid to carry on another relationship, to carry on something that perhaps has no future. cause dao tou lai, im just hurting myself again, no?

was talking to val and we were saying we all hate certain parts of ourselves. totally agree. sometimes i find myself looking fat and i hate it, sometimes i think im ugly. i guess we have moments when we suffer from some kind of low self esteem. the worst came when the december incident made me lost myself. it was as if i was fending on my own because i know no one can help me out of it if i don't help myself. i will still cry if the incident surfaced in my mind but so what? i need to learn to deal with it and i have no one to blame. blame who? confide in who? i became pretty paranoid after that but no, i won't let it affect me. rationalisation, denial and repression seem to be my defense mechanism for long time.

BEN10! ur fault la, make me listen to the song then i emo! no cookies for u!

2011-06-08T21:23:00.005+08:00

NO WORK TODAY!!! =DDDD felt so good that i didnt have to go to work today that i stayed up till 3am the night before talking to friends online =)

and finally i had the time to make waffles for breakfast! =)

my breakfast! looks gd?

and i was clearing my drawer in the afternoon and i dug out my box of st john stuff =)

st john made up the bulk of my secondary sch days man....

and guess what? i found neoprint i took with valerie years back!

VALERIE! i hope u dun mind me posting this on my blog! hahha! it has been 8 YEARS!

2011-06-06T23:57:00.003+08:00

its 12am and im still here working =/ ever since the new MP took over...'meet the ppl session' has never ended early =x i shld convince my dad to let me drive to work so i wun have to cab home late at night!

meeting dr so this fri and i have yet to brainstorm my research question. panic button on-ed =x

its this lack of security that makes me feel damn !@#!#$@#$, why am i so bothered by it?! roars!

2011-06-05T23:32:00.002+08:00

met up with mr huang my pri sch friend to fulfil our otherwise unfulfiled wish of going out for ice cream. HAHA! this is damn funny. our talk abt going out for ice cream has dragged for 2 yrs! awesome =/ it was nice sitting at vivo skypark eating our ben and jerry ice cream and catching up with one another. our emo nemo talk. and we got to see pretty fireworks at where we were sitting =) cool. and we had nth better to do we walked to keppel bay. it's a pretty place that i've always wanted to go! =) imagine owning a yatch man. ahhh...

and my er jie was funny. we were talking that day when she randomly went...

erjie: oh! i read ur blog!
me: wah, u will read one ah..
erjie: ya...cox i haven heard from u for long..
me: HAHAHAHHA! =x

and yes, that day i overheard a convo during my work between 2 kids
kid A: hey! this is my dad! he is 43 years old!
kid B: oh! my dad is 42 years old! MY DAD IS CATCHING UP SOON!

got the joke?

HHAHAHA! don't u think they are damn cute? i was laughing when the kid went 'my dad is catching up soon' because his dad will nva catch up with kid A's dad =)

mok was damn random to call me in midnight 12.20am!!!!! just to ask me which clothes to buy from f21! AHHHH! she woke me up from slp just to ask that!!

2011-06-01T20:38:00.003+08:00

ITS SISTER'S OUTING! =D

watched kung fu panda 2 with my er jie because we have 2 free tickets from my da jie! =))) YOU KNOW WHAT? I LAST WATCHED A MOVIE LIKE LAST SEPT?! omg. 8mths of not stepping into a cinema =/ no life. im not exactly a 'cartoon' movie person but i think i haven been catching a movie for long, so it was pretty entertaining for me. HAHA!

andd...i was on a bus when this bus driver turned and winked at me! twice somemore. initially i thought he wanted to say i didnt tap my ezlink card (which i did) or smth, but when he suddenly smiled and winked at me, i stunned. i bet he got bored driving the bus.

2011-05-30T20:32:00.000+08:00

i got back my results! =) CAP 4.75 this sem (after i s/u one module) ! =)) my hardwork paid off =) GOOD JOB!

anw, it was a long long day for me today. ended work at 3pm, flew to sch for research till 6pm and went for meeting at ymca at 7pm! ended at 10plus 11 and had my 'lunch+dinner+supper' at 12am!

2011-05-29T20:22:00.000+08:00

volunteer work with special needs children =) and i so happpen to bump into my st john squadmate!!! OMG! so coincidental. and i felt much more comfortable with the outing today because i start to see familiar faces around, those that i saw from previous outing =) and i could better interact with the kids too =)

my st john mate on the left! =))

met guan ning after my volunteer work and WALKED to bugis to meet the rest for dinnnerrrr!

tgyc dinner! =D its nice to see that newly formed friendship holds through even after the camp ended like half yr ago =) cheers!

2011-05-29T01:08:00.002+08:00

she who cant be named says:
http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=sale&product%5Fid=2000007390&Page=1

me says:
what with that?

she who cant be named says:
i duno
see like ur style so v excited
then paste for u le
hahaha

me says:
omg.

she who cant be named says:
still too conservative for u i think

me says:
YAR!

the above convo made me laugh man. omg. fairies always say my style of dressing is classified as 'skimpy' = tube top, tube dress, short skirt, paired with my 'ling ling long longs' (aka bangles)

walao. I BEG TO DIFFER. not all the time ok.

2011-05-23T18:27:00.002+08:00

don't feel good today. felt i could have handled my girl a whole lot better =(

STORY TIME.
the teacher took out a board and a box full of alphabets in class. the children were asked to spell by arranging those alphabets and sticking them on the board. my girl protested upon seeing the board and box of alphabets that she started throwing tantrum even though it was not her turn to do the spelling. she screamed and cried and started messing with the board and alphabets, standing up and moving around. token reinforcement worked in getting her sitting nicely on the floor but that didnt sustain long enough because she started her next cycle of tantrum. tried bringing her out for a walk but she threw yet another cycle of tantrum =/ she threw the slippers on the floor, cried even LOUDER and ran off =/ helpless me tried holding on to her to get her quiet but it didnt work. she cried and screamed so loudly until the director came out and asked me what happened. =/ so, the director led her into the office and told me to ignore her crying and tantrums. just ensure her safety but not giving her any attention at the same time. and finally, she decided to calm down and stayed quiet after some time.

the next cycle of tantrum came again during maths lesson when she was expected to sit on chair to do her maths question. faced with her tantrums again, i tried token reinforcement on her and thank goodness it worked. the only time i felt in control.

and next, she fell alsp during chinese class =/ TOOK ME A WHOLE LOT OF EFFORT TO GET HER EYES OPEN. wiping her face with cold towel, making her jump etc all didnt work actually.

the accumulation of everything made today a pretty challenging day. i felt damn lousy after work because i just felt i could have handled her better. i admit i got pretty helpless and exasperated with her at times because i really find it hard to understand her on top of all her tantrums =( its very different from doing therapy. therapy is 1 on 1 and there is a clear boundary and expectation from the therapist and the child. but for a girl who has not been through any therapy, its hard to instill that sort of boundary and expectation during class time. i mean, im not saying its impossible but to drill her during classtime is difficult and its beyond the job scope of a shadow teacher anyway. sigh.

4hrs of dealing with tantrums n behavioural issues
= LOTS OF PATIENCE AND DETERMINATION

i swear by the end of my internship, i'll be so patient no one will ever provoke me man.

sometimes i wonder would my girl be better off if she is placed in therapy or special need school instead? im quite sure she is not learning optimally in the mainstream because those things taught in class are way above her capability despite being matched on mental age. and classroom setting is hard for her to learn because the teacher's attention is divided among other children and she will just be sitting there vocalising/exhibiting stimulating behaviour. is that even helpful at all? and its pointless for me to keep redirecting her attention to the teacher when obviously she is not absorbing. i don't really know how to voice this to the mother. im sure she has reasons for placing her child in mainstream. perhaps to learn socially appropriate behaviour, or prep her for normal classroom setting etc. but oh well. im just a new shadow teacher, i shall just observe for a longer period and see how things go.

alright, put that aside. tml will be a better day i hope. i'll just learn along the way and i need to learn faster!

AND MY MUMMY SAYS I LOST WEIGHT! hahahha! IF ONLY MAN. i still weigh the same =( i guess she hasnt been seeing me most of the days thats y. hahaha!

still in the process of researching for my honours thesis. i think my hypothesis for now sounds abit duh =/

ok, i shall stop blogging. time to go work again! i hope 'meet the ppl session' ends early tonight!

2011-05-22T21:44:00.002+08:00

schedule for upcoming week
mon - internship + 'meet the people' session at night
tue - internship + meet fairies for bbq n swim in the evening!
wed - internship + back sch to meet prof for thesis in the evening
thurs - internship + therapy session in the evening
fri - internship + therapy session in the evening
sat - N.O.T.H.I.N.G
sun - volunteer work + dinner with friends

very 'exciting' week ahead. i think i shld slp early like NOW.

and oh! i generated a short wishlist! hahahha! (fairies! take ur pick ok! =p)

1. bag
2. clutch
3. wallet
4. cardigans
5. wedges
6. bottle
7. black romper

im starting to feel that my very LONGGGGG hair is a hindrance now given the very HOTTTTT weather =x but i cant bear to cut it because it took my hair more than a year to grow till this length...im so tempted to curl it actually...

and im getting so many bruises lately. 10 bruises to be exact on my knees and arms. too much of kneeling on the floor and fighting with kids. haahha!

2011-05-20T23:15:00.000+08:00

met fairies after my work =))) finallly the 5 of us are free to meet up =) headed to arab street for dinner and the place was so empty we literally camwhored there.

haha! ah na's expression =p

hahahha! i think this is so funny!

na, sian and ryl decorated this cake for mok =) too bad i had to work, if not i think the cake would be prettier! HAHAHAHA =PPP

went shopping around haji lane and arab street and ended our day with DESSERT =D

*slurp!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MOK! =))

2011-05-17T22:04:00.003+08:00

a day to laze at home =) helped my dad to paint the house! ok, actually i just contributed by painting one side of the door =p heh. wanted to bake shortbread too! but my house ran out of rice flour =/ ended up i was on f21 website shopping for clothes the whole afternoon. haha!

i cant believe the 'meet the ppl' session ended at 1+am yesterday! near 90 ppl turned up. the after effect of election =/ everyone just swarmed down to see the MP and that made all of us worked late into the night. and i was shocked to see that there were still train services at 1+am! does smrt operates till wee hours during eve of public holiday? hmm...

met na for high tea last week =))) its good that i end work at 3pm daily. heh. nice timing for high tea with girlfriends <3 i enjoy just sitting there the whole afternoon with my gfs, catching up with one another, savouring our scones/sandwiches and whatsnot, taking a sip of our tea. ahhh...thats enough to make me happy already. just the thought of it makes me happy too. hahahha! i feel so girly =p i bet guys don't do such things.

our very yummy high tea set =)

2011-05-09T23:05:00.001+08:00

photos for ben's 21st =DD

2011-05-08T21:11:00.002+08:00

i got teary listening to this song. i think its so touching.

"What are Words" - Chris Medina
Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight

And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

emo song. it makes me think alot. how do u judge whether that person is the right one for u? we all have our ideal kind of partner right? does that mean having found the ideal partner means that partner is the right one for u? if an ideal partner comes at the expense of not spending time with u, not being by ur side when u needed ur partner the most, is that still what u call ideal? and ideal is one thing, being able to get along is another thing. how do u noe whether the person is ideal when both are living in different parts of the world?

2011-05-08T20:39:00.004+08:00

nike run with my sis =) the so called 'goddness' run because it's a run just for girls..hahaha! seriously bimbotic run because girls were running with cameras?! =/ and we get trophies and flowers after the run. hahahha! and there were this whole bunch of bangla workers crowding right at the starting line with their cameras and busy snapping photos of girls running. seriously, what the...

tired us after running...

heh. my very tight schedule today. met my friend for lunch at 12.30pm, home by 2.30pm and left for marina barrage for nike run at 3pm. home at 8pm and out again at 8.45pm for ben's 21st birthday! =) and starbucks with guan ning and zhen yuan till 1+ am and home at 2am! tired to the max.

me: i think i have such a common face i don't really leave an impression on ppl
zhenyuan: u do. u are like soooo fair.
me: =/

2011-05-06T00:50:00.003+08:00

started internship! =))

good that my internship starts at 11am and ends at 3pm daily =) muahaha! at least i do not have to wake up at like 7am =/ and i can still continue with my therapy from 5to 7pm on thurs n fri, and my 'meet the ppl' session on mon night =) good planning with perfect timing! haha!

first day with my girl and i have lots to learn. i really need to think of something to get her to engage with others. its a social deficit that is probably persistent throughout people with autism and i noe it wouldnt be easy to change my girl especially when im not even like her therapist or anything. but oh well. let me build some rapport with her first. i don't know how long that will take when she doesnt let me enter into her world. and having not much experience dealing with echolalia (one of the characteristics of autism but it doesnt apply to all), sometimes i find it hard to communicate or understand what she is saying because she is practically repeating what i have just said in the exact tone. its like i ask her 'do you want to drink?' and she replies 'want a drink?' so do i take that as she wants the drink or don't want the drink?

but oh well, she's still an adorable girl just like my boy =) haha! i don't really wan to mention their names so bear with all the saying of 'girl' and 'boy'. heh.

headed to pasir ris next for therapy with my boy. was like physical exercise today because he couldnt sit still and hence all the carrying and making him sit nicely admist all the sceaming. but he was fine on the whole and he is progressing well =)

2011-05-05T00:42:00.000+08:00

FREEDOM!

even though the paper was like #Q%@$^&#%&%&#Q$#...but oh well. ITS ALL OVER! =D i did what i could in 2hrs and i shall just hope for the best.

and yes, went out with xinyi and she brought me to some middle eastern restaurant at arab street. can u believe i HAVE NOT BEEN TO ARAB STREET?! hahah! oh man. i think im living in a cave or smth. but yea, dinner was good with nice ambience in the restaurant. and many people were smoking shisha i almost suffocate when i walked past the 'smoking room' (we were dining in the non-smoking room)...i cant imagine how they eat in the midst of all the smoke =/

and we had a long talk =) i think girls can reallllly TALK ALOT. our 10hrs worth of discussion the day before and at least 6hrs of talking non-stop after our paper ended.

2011-05-03T00:38:00.000+08:00

i cant believe me and xinyi just studied for 10 HOURS STRAIGHT with the exception of 1 toilet break. studying for 'atypical development and language development' is driving us mad. by the time we stepped out of the lib, i was like totally drained already.

last paper tml! im smelling the air of freedom =D

2011-04-29T22:50:00.002+08:00

1 more paper and im done =) wheeee!

that day my boy was reallly cute. he was jumping up and down on the bed and the wooden plank dislodged. he actually tried fixing it on his own and after speaking to his mum, i realised that it was actually an act of imitation - he had seen his mother fixing the bed in everyday life and hence he modelled the act. impressive. its not easy for a chid with autism to do that. well done boy! =) but I was not strong enough to lift up the mattress entirly for him to fix the plank properly =/ hahah! and he got so bothered he refused to sit nicely on the chair so that I could start the session. ended up, i hid the wooden plank - out of sight out of mind. and having to do near 4 sessions in a row got me a little stress. not the therapy that is stressing me but the time im left with to study for my last paper =/ i hope i can handle it.

and oh! i emailed my prof asking her to be my supervisor for honours thesis and i was surprised that she rmbs me even though im such a low profile student! ok, maybe it was out of courtesy that she said she rmbs me. hahah! oh well. anyway, its a good start that i found a prof =) its kind of scary to think that i need to conduct a research all on my own now.

and im mourning over the loss of 2marks for my paper today =/ i hate it when i make a mistake on things that i ought to know.

2011-04-27T00:23:00.002+08:00

2 papers down! 2 more to go and im done with examss!

ryl just suggested an exciting 'post exam' plan - cooking 3 cai 1 tang! hahah! i really think my clique of friends are laying the path towards being a good wife. hahah!

and i wan a short getaway!!!! lets hope i find good bargain for bali. fairies! if u are reading my blog, u are invited! ryl and i are planning...sooo...if u all can make it, let us noe! =)

and someone enlighten me pls. what should my ans be?

2011-04-22T01:20:00.000+08:00

i shall do a quick blog before i slp. my only entertainment in life now. haha! im so getting sick of studying man. CANT WAIT FOR EXAMS TO BE OVER LIKE NOW! zzzzz.

oh! i saw chameleon and wild dog when i ran yesterdae. and im going nike run with my sis and meijuan =) hee!

therapy session with moses today was good =) after 15-16 sessions with him, I FINALLY FOUND A WAY TO PLAY WITH HIM. like finally i could interact with him properly with him giving me appropriate response. good job! =) and im starting to feel attached to him and i reallly realllly want him to improve. i want him to be better functioning so that his parents will not worry over him, so that his parents can bring him out like any other kids. i guess moses is really lucky in some sense because his parents are realllly doing alot to have him become better. i have came across parents who are not doing much for their kids and only relying on the help of therapists which is definitely not going to be sufficient.

i think my stomach is getting mixed signal. a mixture of coffee + chicken essence. haha!! weird combi.

im ending exam on the 4th and my internship starts on the 5th! i foresee that my summer break will be super meaningful. haha! ok...i better go recharged myself.

goodnight!

2011-04-19T23:25:00.002+08:00

for the first time, i worked till 12.30am last night!!! i cant believe there were so many people queuing to see the MP ydae. but it was damn funny because mr low was asking me how im going home. so i said im going to take a cab. and he and the new MP each took out $50 wanting to give me to take cab home. i ran off and the new MP came chasing after me trying to stuff the money into my hand. haha! i have good employers huh? but of course i didnt take the money. and mr low went 'i'll put into ur payroll if u are not taking the money' haha! mr low is funny la.

went for a run this evening and i always think running around punggol is interesting. i have seen snake, wild dogs, centipedes, millipedes, rats and today i saw MONKEY! i was running towards punggol jetty and i was wondering why were leaves falling on my head. i looked up and i saw a monkey swinging from trees to trees =/ xia si wo le. i was waiting for the traffic when i saw this car stalled. i took a closer look and hey! thats my driving instructor's car! haha! remind me of those days when i stalled like mad and he shouted at me like nuts. haha!

alright. back to my books!

2011-04-17T21:45:00.003+08:00

my high fever must had made me retarded =/ i was seriously silly man. i was heading to airport to study on saturday and because starbucks does not allow people to study, i was thinking of heading to mac. and so i alighted at t3 and i walked the entire t3 and i couldnt find the usual mac that i always go to. so i checked the directory and i thought to myself 'yea, theres a mac here. but why cant i find it?!' i walked and walked and it suddenly occured to me that i was at the wrong terminal =x actually theres a mac at t3 too but i must have been really bad at direction because i couldnt find it either. =x

and the next retarded thing i did was to throw away my notes!!!!!! i finished my essay and i was clearing my stuff and i guess i must have chucked my notes into the stack of newspapers =/ and i think my mum sold it to the garang guni already =/ zzzzz. and babe was nice to lend me her notes to zap! =p and i felt so bad having her to travel to northpoint just to pass me the notes. and you know what?!!! i got confused with 804 and 854 =/ok nvm. save the explanation here.

the third retarded thing was....i was surfing facebook when i saw meijuan posted this 'The only way to get rid of a shadow is to turn off the lights, stop running from the darkness and face what u fear, head on' me: hey i came across this quote toooo!! and i retweeted it! meijuan: haha! i took it from your blog lah! me: OMG. DID I BLOG THIS? oh yea i think i did =/ silly me.

anyway, dinner was good today because i dined out with my family! =) i always feel happier when i have my dinner outside with my family. haha! and the gem at punggol is really pretty! the view is good and the stroll after dinner was nice coupled with the full moon and the sky filled with stars =D i love gazing at starsssss =)))

AND YES! I WENT WEECARE AT TANGLIN THAT DAY and the kids were totally ADORABLE. OMG!!! and yes, i got my internship as a shadow teacher for this girl with autism. so i went down last tue for an observation session. i guess theres still a stark contrast between typical and atypical children afterall. alright. its time to study hard during this study break! AND IM TOTALLY TROUBLING OVER WHAT I SHOULD DO FOR MY THESIS? which prof to work with? what research area to look into? autism? developmental? language? behavioural therapies? intervention? aggression? violence? AHHH.

2011-04-04T17:56:00.002+08:00

my worst fever ever. let me whine about it. fell sick on sat and after eating 6 panadols, my fever and headache did not subside at all and in fact, the tempt went up. i was all alone at home on sunday morning, resting in bed and feeling reallly damn sick. i took my tempt and it read '39.7' and i thought to myself 'damn. i hope i don't become retarded =/' i called my parents telling them i wanted to see a doc. and then, i waited 2 HOURS for them to be back home =/ i was almost dead by then =/ i was like buring inside and i had to crawl out of my bed in my dizzy floaty state just to wet a cloth n put it on my forehead hoping the tempt will drop. sigh. i feel so poor thing. sniff. after seeing a doc and after eating 6 different kinds of medicine (yea, SIX TYPES OF MEDICINES), my fever strangely didnt subside and it went up to 39.6 =/ continued slping for the rest of the day and continued downing myself with the medications and it slowly became better today! and i lost 1kg! thats how sick i was.

2011-04-02T13:02:00.005+08:00

birthday surprise for meijuan =DDD TRIOS!! =) always in need to camwhore despite the narrow mirror =/ hahah!!

our swensen ice cream cake came as a surprise to meijuan =)

presents for her!

just in case u guys think it was a 3 girls' outing. heh. sahal was there too! just that he isnt into camwhoring like GIRLS. =P

more photos while we waited for sahal to try on clothes. hahha!

the end!

2011-04-01T12:51:00.000+08:00

Volunteer work at east coast park last weekend (or is it last last weekend?) =)) we were almost burnt under the hot sorching sun =x it was a nice experience despite ending up being station master and helping the kids and families take photos =) i mean, it would have been more interactive if we get to play with the kids but it was fine. we had fun too. hurray to volunteering! =D

2011-03-24T00:00:00.001+08:00

im forced to sign up for twitter just to churn out a 5 pg report on it =/

came across a quote in twitter that says "she comes off as stong, but maybe she fell asleep crying. she acts like nothing is wrong, but maybe she's just really good at lying"....i think that is so me. no worries, im not emo-ing =)

just that i guess this phrase pretty much speaks of the kind of person i am. when something unpleasant happens, i won't tell others. and i find myself tearing before i slp and waking up pretending nth had happened. until the unpleasant event is over and i have calmed myself down, would i let others know abt it. or maybe, i won't even say it at all.

anyway, met joyce in the late morning after my morning lecture! =) lunched, bought stuff and studied together before i headed back sch again for lessons. personality lecture was funny today because the lecturer was sharing with us some cultural differences when he was studying in canada.

my lecturer went to a restaurant and wanted to order something

waiter: u want super salad?
lecturer: (super salad? thats not in the menu but it sounds good) ok, 1 super salad!
waiter: super salad?
lecturer: yea, super salad.
waiter: i mean do you want SOUP or SALAD?!

funny right? =p

passerby A: do you have the time?
lecturer: yes, i have lots of time
passerby A: i mean do u have the time?
lecturer: uh huh, i have lots of free time

dont get it? the passerby A is actually asking for the time and my lecturer misunderstood him.

my eye candy is cute =p hahahhaha!! reminds me of my pokka days.

HAPPPPY BIRTHDAYYY RYLLL!! (i noe u will read my blog! u better be. )

2011-03-22T14:08:00.002+08:00

sat
volunteer work with allena at east coast park in the morning =) i always feel happier doing volunteer work =) thumbs up! headed to starbucks at tanjong pagar to study, which was absolutely conducive to do work =) met my family for dinner after that. dinner was damn awkward because we were having dinner with my sis's fiance's family. hahah!! but eventually it turned out pretty fine i guess.

sun
met ryl for a run in the afternoon. believe it or not, we two ran at 12pm in the afternoon. best. hahaha!! it was a mini-adventure as we explored this forest look-alike place behind her house. hee! continued to run and started eyeing on landed property along the way. haha! and yes! i want to buy audi car in future! i think audi car looks good =)

ran back bathed, lunched and we studied! girls' talk always make me go into dilemma. ok, i was already in a dilemma just that ryl's perspective make me even more confused! but sometimes its not as easy as 1+1 kind of thing. im still a human eh, sometimes being rational may not necessarily be the ideal decision. and ryl and na have been bugging me to tell them what happened in dec two years back. sigh. if i could say, i would. but its not something glamourous to share about and im only begining to walk out of it. so ryl and na! dun say i unfriendly dont wan to share!

mon
prof was sharing with us a nus yr 4 student was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and she left only a year to live. damn. PEOPLE! PLEASE GO FOR HEALTH SCREENING! and halfway through the lecture his phone rang and he told us his patient in difficult labour. *admire, no im not admiring that his patient is in difficult labour but more so of his capability. aiya, don't know how to express. my fetish. haha! just a general statement, i think capable ppl always end up in a divorce or break up because they are not spending enough time with their other half. we cant seem to get the best of both world eh?

2011-03-16T14:31:00.001+08:00

The only way to get rid of a shadow is to turn off the lights, stop running from the darkness & face what you fear, head on - grey's anatomy

i guess this very much speaks abt my life.

2011-03-15T15:58:00.002+08:00

im absolutely irritated. ROARSSS!! and my period has to come of all time. mood swing to the max.

i really don't understand why am i studying physics now. i have absolutely no idea how i studied physics when i was in jc or secondary sch. sigh.

to take psychology is a right choice.

2011-03-14T22:13:00.002+08:00

im dead tired. long day today. had therapy session in the morning, school in the afternoon and work at night =/ i seriously think im working more than im studying this semester. and im having an interview for my internship at WeeCare in the following week. hope i can get it. would be a good experience for me and maybe i can learn ways to handle my boy as well. much needed.

lectures in the afternoon was funny. the prof was talking abt andropause and how men are so affected because they cant get it up like before. how their refractory period is longer when they are older to the extent that sometimes it may takes days or months for it to have a response again. he started citing examples and he started laughing to himself. haha! funny prof. i kind of admire him actually. because i think he is very zai. he was telling us he was on plane when he had to attend to 1 passenger with ectopic pregnancy and another 1 with asthma. i think its damn cool. and that day he was showing us videos on the 5 different methods to deliver a baby. it was damn gross because the first video showed the doctor cutting the vagina because the cervix did not dilate enough and all the blood and fluid and whatever was everywhere =/ and the caesarean method was ermm..none the better. i didnt know the whole uterus can be flipped out of the female's abdomen for the doctor to clean it. like literally stuff his hand into the uterus to clean it =/ and my prof had done all methods before. and i was like 'wahhhh, cooool'...i think knowledgeable and capable guys make me go 'wahhh' =)

volunteer work yesterday was nice =) brought the special needs children out to have fun, and im sure they did =)

MPS is not ending =( why are there so many residents with so many issues to be resolved?

2011-03-06T20:40:00.002+08:00

ah die. i think im becoming a woman of few words. i don't know what to blog nowadays eh. right, lets backtrack and see what i have done this week...

mon
sch as usual, lessons from 10am to 4pm followed by meeting till 6.30pm. headed to yew tee for 'meet the people' session which freakingly ended at near 12AM!!! i was zombified during work probably because i had a long day in sch. and the fact that it ended way so late didnt help much huh. but mr yeo was nice thou, he asked me to leave first knowing that i live so far. but i stayed on since i probably have to cab home anyway. doesnt make much a diff.

tue
sch as usual. had presentation on autism research proposal. was fine i hope, even though the prof did mention certain things that we have overlooked. but oh well, which proposal/presentation aint flawless. studied at compasspt lib and met jiaji for dinner and home!

wed
lesson at freaking 8am = waking up at 6.15am =/ i almost fell aslp during lecture especially when the prof talked abt physics bio and whatever. zzzzz. headed to starbucks after lec ended and studied. the starbucks guy was nice to let me redeem a grande caramel machiatto because by right, redemption is only meant for tall size. heh! and west coast plaza starbucks is super conducive for studying =) love. headed back sch for personality lecture and home!

thurs
skipped my reproductive health tutorial since attendance wasnt counted and that was my only 1 hr of lesson, so i declared free thursday for me! therapy session in the evening. i always feel abit worried when i go for session. i really wonder how the mom thinks abt me when im doing the therapy. does she thinks like im a lousy therapist who cant handle her boy or she thinks that im already trying my best? u know, sometimes when the mom sits in, i cant be myself. its like everything i do, i must make sure im doing it according to her way and that comprises of the way i speak to the boy, the way i carry out my task etc. and i did a wrong move man. i was asking the boy to do a twisting task to practise his fine motor skill and i thought it was fine for me to increase the level of difficulty by giving one of the token that is slightly harder to twist (the boy has already mastered this task), but i was wrong! he was doing well and twisting really hard to get the token in but i think he got irritated at the end of it. he tapped my hand and asked for help and he suddenly cried. as in, reallly cried at the top of his voice and he started being disruptive. AND THATS IT. i lost him for the next 1 hr. nth interest him after that and it was a hard time man.

fri
sch as usual. lessons from 8am to 4pm followed by therapy at 5.30pm. somehow, the boy was an angel today =D totally cooperative. i guess over the 5 therapy sessions, im starting to learn to handle him. i guess i was too task-focused and i overloaded him somehow. and i was trying all ways to build rapport with him every session because he doesnt play with me. or rather, he dont see the need to play. so i decided to take it easy this session and it turns out pretty fine! of course, the success of it very much depends on the boy's mood on that day too. and i realised he likes people to carry him and turn in circles so i did. its like every 15mins or so, i will carry him and turn in circles. and i make sure he drinks water (because he doesnt understand that he is thirsty, he just get irritated), like lots of it so he remains well hydrated and not be disruptive ( i hope), i make sure i gave him lots of break time (which means, giving him books or toys for sensory stimulation. he likes to flip books which is a form of stereotypical or repetitive behaviour commonly seen in children with autism), i make sure im using as few words as possible to convey my meaning to him because if he doesnt understand what im trying to say, he will switch off and it wouldnt be easy to get him back again. ok, too much things to take into consideration, i shall stop here. but on the whole, fri's session was the best so far.

sat
decided to head out to airport to study. which was a brilliant choice because it was productive. i seriously cant stay at home to study man. studied till 6, met jiaji for dinner and home.

sun
proven that i cant study at home.

ok, the end for this week! need to study for my personality test!

2011-02-27T23:15:00.002+08:00

realised i have not been blogging for weeks!

been too busy writing assignments and studying for tests =/ ask me anything about homosexual or sexual orientation, i think i can tell u everything under the sky after writing 2000 words abt it.

conducted 5 therapy sessions so far with my boy. the first few sessions were fine as the boy was compliant etc. but as i slowly progress into more sessions with him, i start to wonder whether i can do it or not. the 5th session was a nightmare. ok, not exactly that bad but i really couldnt handle his behaviour. he was like kicking me and pulling my hair and i was like 'oh dear, whats next' i guess i need to come up with better plans already.

ok, im getting back to my notes. test tml!

2011-02-06T10:47:00.004+08:00

reunion dinner at ah ma's house followed by reunion dessert with cousins!

went down to mac for ice cream cones because we were bored at ah ma's house. haha!! it was like a mini cousin outing =))

CHINESE NEW YEAR PLUS DADDY'S BIRTHDAY =DDD

happpppyy birthdayyyyy dadddy =D

hah! this is what me and my sis would do when we have nth to do at home....heh...

we look like a couple man...hahha!

sisters and cousins =) e 9 of us!

my very cute little niece eris! =DD she is reallllllllllyyyyyyyyy cuteeeeeeeeeeee. omg! i love little kids =D

2011-02-02T10:16:00.002+08:00

completed my therapist training! =) finalllyyy...after all the rushing from sch to therapy sessions and back to sch to clock the hours...and this morning, i woke up with muscle aches everywhere all because of the 2 therapy sessions i had yesterday. they were slightly low functioning and it was not easy getting them to comply with me so i literally had to grab them and place them on their chairs over n over again every few seconds =/ its surprising to see that they know how to test for boundaries just like any other kids and they were testing me everytime im there =/ that explains for my muscle aches =x but it was especially heart warming when the kid came up to me and cuddled me =)) whether it was a form of tactile stimulation for them or a genuine form of wanting to be cuddled, it doesnt really matter to me actually. at least, i considered that as a form of initiating communication and thats good for them.

proper therapy with my kid will start next fri! i hope things will turn out fine!

its cny but im not feeling the mood for it =/ probably because i haven hear any cny songs to get me into the mood and partly because I HAVE ESSAYS, TEST AND TUTORIALS ALL DUE DURING CNY! how to enjoy my so called 'holidays' =/

and i need to get my engine started again! its always the case of faulty engine at the start of every semester. need to be motivated to get myself studying....0.02 to my target CAP! press on!

and i was talking to my friend when i mentioned, 'my dad sets the benchmark for his daughters in finding husband' HAHA! seriously man...my friend was saying my sisters and i are so pampered by my parents. hahhaha!! which is true to an extent i guess. its like it seems absolutely sound that guys should pick up and send girls home when they are out. guys should hold the doors for girls. guys should offer to foot the bill (offer is an act of gentleman-ness, doesnt necessarily mean that he must n have to pay) guys should help girls to carry heavy stuff. guys should be understanding and considerate to girls etcc...what i see in my dad, it naturally seems to me that guys should possess these characteristics. maybe thats why bks always say girls tend to look for a husband that is somewhat the same as their dad and vice versa for guys.

AND I CANT WAIT FOR MARCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! helllo feb, even though u have just arrived, can you quicken ur steps and let march take over? plsssssss?!

okkkkkkkkkkkkkk.....i better be focused and do my essay! get it over and done with so i can celebrate cny in peace..........

2011-01-30T17:34:00.003+08:00

went out with cj for a short awhile and we headed to the airport. boarded the sky train and there was this lady who was rushing for the sky train and she slipped and fell. initially i thought she was fine until i saw her wound. i got a shock. she slipped and fell into the train with her knee hitting straight at the metal thing. you know when the door closes, there's always this metal thing. i don't know how to say but her knee kind of sliced through the metal thing. her flesh literally split and i could see her flesh and everything else. OMG! i swear i cringed when i saw her wound. cj and i then went up to her to help her. and there were 2 other men who offered to help too. so i stayed with the girl while 2 men went off to get the staff. omg. i must say she is reallllllly calm and strong. i tried to keep her occupied by talking to her hoping it will help to lessen her pain. seriously, when she removed the tissue paper on her knee, i cringed. thinking back, i nva rmb being afraid of seeing open wounds but now, im getting all jittery when i saw it. signs of ageing man =( and i really want to question why is changi airport considered best airport?! the medical staff took eon years to come and when the airport staff came like 10-15mins later, she was more concerned about writing her report than being concern abt the girl's wound!!! she just went 'oh, what happened? where u fell? u fell because there was water on the ground? u fell at t1 or t3? how u fell?' and she just went on n on n on...HELLO?! the poor girl is already in pain! GET THE MEDICAL STAFF! roars! and the girl had to rush for her flight somemore. oh man. i reallly hope she will be fine after the stiches. accompanied her till the medical staff came. AND THE MEDICAL STAFF CAME WITHOUT A FIRST AID KIT! BEST! he came with a wheelchair =/ OMG. i reallly reallly hope she will be fine. she is an australian coming to singapore for a holiday and she has to fall on the night of her departure. =(

2011-01-19T01:16:00.002+08:00

met up with TRIOS for dinner + shopping today =) and i finally bought my heels after considering for a week!

christmas card + new year card from meijuan =))) THANKS GIRL!

2011-01-18T13:56:00.004+08:00

i don't know what got onto me on sunday night. i went to bed at 1am, tried reallllllly hard to slp but i just couldnt. plugged music, listen to radio but i just couldnt slp. and then i started tearing god noes why. i just cried, it was as if the tears were like caged in my eyes for too long, needing to escape. i thought of the past, present and future and the combination of everything just made my tears flow. the clock struck 3am and i was still wide awake with my teary eyes =( night time always make me a vulnerable little girl. sigh. the clock struck 4am, i tried to slp again. and then i found myself waking up at 7am with a mind clogged with thoughts. i decided to head down for a quick run before i bathe n head for school.

emo nemo.

i tried to understand myself. was it a case of suppressing my emotions too much again? or was it that cup of coffee i drank that made me insomia and to think of all the nonsensical thoughts? sigh. it was a case of don't-know-what-happen-to-me night. boohoo! and i realise my emotions are taking on roller coaster rides these days.

maybe someone should just come up with a machine that erases sad memories. all of it. guys are just jerks =( damn. im always at the losing end. whether is it the past or present, im just a puppet emotionally manipulated. RAHH!

that happy looking me was all just a facade.

2011-01-16T23:48:00.001+08:00

i don't know why, but i find myself crying. damn. i hate facebook. ='(

2011-01-15T09:13:00.003+08:00

thurs
therapy training in the morning, cabbed to school next for my 1hr of lesson and headed to airport following that to meet ryl and mok! and mok is late as usual =/ which explains for the countless photos me and cheryl chua took while waiting for mok..

went tampines to walk around with ryl after dinner and i saw a nice dress at outfitter girls! but, the price is even nicer =( and im still thinking whether i should get that heels....hmmm...

friday

fell alsp during my 8am lecture today =/ i don't know y but i was reallllllly tired. and the lecture wasnt helping me much when the prof was explaining how to use maths to prove infinity. OMG! all the mathematics, sub this here and that etc. zzzzzzzzzz!

2011-01-12T14:49:00.002+08:00

im back to blog again. i feel as if im wasting my time =( but seriously, its only 3rd day of school and really, theres nth for me to study yet! im just idling now and i don't like it.

was walking around school bazaar with babe n syl just minutes ago, and they bought magic cards! hahah!! the guy was showing us some magic tricks. heh. pretty impressive =) and it reminded me of those days when u showed me ur magic tricks too.

therapist training starting tml. 6hrs of theory and 15hrs of practical to go. i hope by the end of it, i still have the passion to carry on. i know it isnt an easy job. its like a whole lot of patience and responsiblity on my side to make sure that the child picks up something from me. lets see how it goes.